


Lord of the Night

by WTFAidaWTF (Aida)



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Dwarrows like cuddles, Fingerfucking, Fluff and Smut, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Innuendo, Kíli logic, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, Prostitution, Riding, Sexual Humor, Should really keep up with these tags, Size Difference, Size Kink, Squirting, That's My Story and I'm Sticking to it, and crack, fem!Dwalin - Freeform, fem!Kili
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 00:36:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/729657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aida/pseuds/WTFAidaWTF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Thorin Oakenshield heard that Gandalf found not only one, but two possible new members for his company and that one of them was an expert of death, he was pleased. When he found out the specifics, however, he was the complete opposite. </p><p>Or: A strange idea this author came up with that would not die, so she decided to give it a shot. </p><p>Also: There are Hobbit fics out there that have OCs in them, and this is another one. Just... not the kind you're expecting.</p><p>In other words: Possibly just an excuse to practice writing porn.</p><p>So, Basically: A weird, almost-plotless smutty tale of what happened when Thorin Oakenshield inadvertently hired a snarky male prostitute to be the fifteenth member of his company.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Prologue Where Thorin Is Not Impressed

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a rough prologue for a story that I had an idea for, but even now I'm not sure I'll follow through with it. I might with enough encouragement and/or I decide "what the hell I'll continue with this". 
> 
> If you wish to use this kind of idea for yourself, which I don't really think there will be many of you who want to, feel free to take it. 
> 
> And now, onto a tale where even the author asks "WTF?"

When Thorin Oakenshield heard that Gandalf had located not one, but two other members for his company, he was pleased. When he heard that one of them was a particular expert in death, he was more than pleased. Sure, he thought Balin was just being a fool when he insisted they couldn’t go on their journey with just thirteen members in their company, but if at least one of the two newcomers could fight, then there was nothing wrong.

However, he wasn’t expecting me.

Sure, I was an expert in death. Just not the kind of death he was thinking of.

I mean, yes, I have actually killed people for money. That is generally what assassins do. However, that wasn’t my main source of income. Not anymore, anyway. No, my main job involved an entirely different kind of death. More of a little death, if anything.

For I was mainly a man who traded money for pleasures of a carnal nature. A prostitute, if you will. I personally prefer the label “Lord of the Night”. It has a better ring to it, and it’s definitely a less-offensive label. And while such a label was mainly for that, it bled into my other line of work as well. Funny, really. Lord of the Night: Part-time assassin and full-time manwhore (a blunt way of putting it, but true).

You can understand now why His Majesty had immediately flipped a gasket upon the reveal of my title. 

Said King Under The Mountain had then spent what felt like an age angrily debating whether or not I should be welcome with his advisor (I assumed that was his job, anyway) and the gray wizard himself. It was hard to keep up, mostly because all three would continuously switch from Westron to a peculiar series of grunted words and phrases. It also didn’t help when there was a thick wooden door separating the discussion from my person as I had awaited the final verdict.

The gist that I gathered, however, was apparently Thorin did _not_ like the idea of a manwhore travelling with his company. I would distract them from their cause, what with my career and because I was a “son of Man” and “would attract too much unwanted attraction”. Basically, he was trying to say “No”.

And Gandalf. Kind, wise, old Gandalf was busy trying to list off all the good things I could do on this journey, and why it would be wise to bring me along. I don’t know why he thought it would be a good idea to try and bring me along. For all that was good about him, pretty much everyone else was not. He was never a customer of mine, but we have conversed in the past, and he treated me like I was actually someone important, and not just a piece of meat that needed a pounding. I’d call him a friend, for sure. 

Thorin Oakenshield? Not so much. Not even the fun kind of friend. 

It was when they were talking about something, I guessed they were referring to me, being expensive that I just got tired of it. I got up from my seat and opened the door, greeted by two looks of surprise and one of anger.

“Might I interrupt this avid conversation?” I inquired as politely as I could, only to cause Thorin’s glare to worsen.

“No, you may not.” He snarled. “We will approach you once we’ve made a decision!”

“I actually came here to help with the process.” I replied, letting myself in and shutting the door behind me. “You are talking about me and my current full-time occupation, aren’t you?”

I never thought a dwarf could blush until today, and Thorin could turn a lovely shade of red. 

“We might have some… concerns, yes.” The older dwarf, Thorin’s advisor, stated with a smile. 

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “I may offer my body out to people for money, but I’m not some pervert who forces themselves on the innocent.” I explained. “If you’re worried that I’ll be taking advantage of your company, I can promise you that I would never do such a thing.”

The advisor quickly shook his head. “Oh, no! We weren’t worried about that at all!”

“Is it because you frown upon casual sex?”

Instead of Thorin’s red, this dwarf turned a gentle pink under his white beard. “No, no.” He answered. “That’s… that’s not the problem.”

“So, what is it?”

Thorin made some growling noise as the advisor looked like he was thinking of a proper way to express the issue. Gandalf decided to speak out, clearing his throat to draw our attention.

“Dwarrows believe in equal payment for favors.” He explained. “They realize that it would be most likely that there might be members of the company that would… wish to utilize your services, and would be obligated to repay you in kind. If you were to join the company, you would already be receiving a portion of the treasure as reimbursement if the venture is successful. If you were to just be a member for what you were already being asked to do, this would not be an issue. However, if they were to partake in your main occupation, it would require paying you much more, since dwarrows put quite a value on… carnal pleasures. Denying them of it could also possibly cause problems.”

“Couldn’t you, just… not tell them, if you have such a problem?” I had asked.

“No offense, laddie.” The advisor said slowly. “But us dwarrows know the decorations that those in your line of work wear. Even those of men.”

Subconsciously, I fingered my collar. While women wore jewelry and over-accentuated their assets to advertise their profession, most men wore items like leather collars instead. A sign of submission, and a willingness to do as the customer demands; within reason and for a fair price, of course. The removal of such items can only happen if they get married or they buy back their freedom, for it’s illegal otherwise. Then there are the tattoos we get. A sign of what we do, or what we had to do, in order to survive. While my tattoo isn’t visible when dressed, it’s clear that we’d all see each other naked at some point, even if it was to just bathe or something. 

Then it hit me, and I grinned, sitting down next to the future king and causing him to stiffen.

“Then tell you what,” I said, leaning over the table. “Let’s be quite honest, here: the reward you will give me is quite substantial. I could more than comfortably live off with just half, correct?”

They all exchanged looks before the advisor nodded. “That can be true, yes.”

“Then just reward me with half if the quest is successful!” I explained, now leaning back. “The other half, now. That can be seen as… payment.”

“Payment.” Thorin parroted.

“Payment by you for the behalf of the company to utilize my services.” I explained. “That way, it’s available to those who wish for it, while the others don’t fret that they’re being denied payment because of a prostitute, who just so happens to be able to stand their own in a fight.”

“You’re willing to sacrifice your chastity for the good of the company?” Thorin asked. “Are you truly willing to leave yourself open for such things?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “ _Chastity_?”

Thorin glared again. “Just answer the question!”

I snickered some more before shrugging. “It’s not like it would be a truly horrific ordeal. I can still say no if I don’t want to, and I’m sure you’re bringing along the most honorable of men, so that’s not a problem either.” I explained. “And granted, I’m just there as a tool to be used, and it’s not the best job in the world, but I wouldn’t necessarily _detest_ it.”

The dwarrows gave me a strange look before I grinned. “In other words, I’d be happy to spread my legs, or get in-between some legs, for the good of your company.” This caused the advisor to sputter a bit. “How does that all sound?”

It was quite possibly the worst possible thing to say in such company. However, I couldn't help it. It was just too easy to get them riled up, and with Gandalf nearby, I was sure that nothing too terrible would happen to me. I might have to apologize later for my bluntness, but it might be fruitless. I was always rather blunt with my words, with now flowery embellishments or soft cushioning to ease an insult. If I were to join his company on this endeavor, either I would have to try to be a little less blunt, or they would all learn that I was just this crass.

I could see the muscles in Thorin’s jaw jumping before he turned back to the others. “We shall keep that in mind while we continue our discussion while you wait _outside_.”

“Good!” I said, getting up from the table. “Let me know when you want me to sign the contract!”

With that, I closed the door behind me, smiling a bit wider when I heard Gandalf laughing loudly on the other side. 

As I waited around this time, the conversation amongst the three inside was much quieter. Obviously, there was still a couple of issues, but at least they no longer had to worry about payment or anything like that if one of their company is randy and they want to have a go. Plus, depending on what the company is like, it might not be too bad. It always makes the job easier when the customer is nice. It was an incredibly rare breed, but not totally nonexistent. 

Eventually, the door banged open and Thorin Oakenshield marched right up to me. “If we let you help us," He demanded loudly, staring up at me with a hard gleam in his eyes "and we follow your guidelines, you will learn and adhere to ours. You will respect our guidelines and our customs, as well as respect those who do not wish to participate for any reason.”

“Like I already told you, I don’t force myself onto anyone. You won't have to worry about such things coming from me.” I explained. “I also trust that your men are honorable, and won’t try to force me into anything, either.”

He looked a bit insulted, as if it were a crime to insinuate such a thing, but he just nodded sharply. “Of course.” He said. “You will also make sure that the women listen to the company’s physician and that they take their herb if they are to participate as well.”

I felt my eyebrows reach my hairline. “Women? Really?”

“They are as strong and skilled as our men. If they wish to fight, they are allowed. If they wish to join our company, they may sign the contract.” He stated. “Is that a problem?”

“No, not even an issue.” I said. “Just making sure.”

There was a pause as we stared at each other, and it was clear that Thorin was still trying to assess me. 

Finally, he quirked an eyebrow. “Exactly how skilled are you?”

I felt myself grin before I could stop and the dwarf glared at me, broking no room for a joke. 

“I assure you, Master Thorin, that Mister Wieland here is very skilled with a blade.” Gandalf replied. “I have seen him utilize such skills many times.”

Thorin exhaled through his nose, stared at me for a little longer, before finally turning to his advisor and tilting his head to motion towards me. “Give him the contract.”

I merely grinned as the parchment was handed off to me and I signed it with a little flourish. To be honest, I was excited. Not really excited about the prospect to be used by a bunch of dwarrows for sex, but excited about being able to go on an adventure. To see new places, meet new people (not just possible customers), and maybe even earn enough money to buy my freedom. 

In the end, it was bound to at least be exciting. In the normally-used sense of the word, of course.


	2. Of Hobbit Holes and Cuddling Dwarrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wieland's pleasant surprise at how the company treats him, and also a conversation he has with Bilbo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I caved in on myself. I decided "you know what? I'll keep going." I do hope you will like it, for those of you who have decided to read it. And as I said, if you have any ideas of your own, please feel free to let me know. I might not really respond to comments, but I do read them. 
> 
> Also: Yes, I know. It's rated EXPLICIT, but there's NO FRIKKIN' SMUT YET! I'm building right now. Smut is great, but great smut should sometimes have a plot, don't you think?
> 
> In case anyone is interested, I don't have any specifics in mind, but there MIGHT be some actual legitimate pairings in this. Bagginshield, perhaps? And/or some Dwori? Heck, there might be a dwarf/Wieland one. I don't know specifics yet, but Wieland might just end up playing matchmaker.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the continuation~

While I knew that I was going to be at the service of roughly thirteen dwarrows and a hobbit, depending on all who were interested, I did not truly know what to expect. 

So when I finally met them in a little hobbit hole in a place called the Shire, they were all a pleasant surprise. Even now, as they already took advantage of my services. At least some of the dwarrows were, as we were all staying the night at the hobbit hole of a possible-still-not-sure-if-he’ll-change-his-mind-and-say-yes burglar, Bilbo Baggins.

Even I didn’t know they would be taking advantage of my services so soon. Nor did I think that they would be using them in such a way. 

That way, surprisingly, was to be used as a giant pillow to snuggle and cuddle up against as they snored and drooled all over me. Despite the drool and my limbs going numb, it was actually one of the nicest things I’ve woken up to in the middle of the night. 

Originally I got a room all to myself while the rest of the company split up, and I was only aware of the two youngest in the company, Fili and Kili, slipping in “quietly” and snuggling up on both my sides. I had fallen asleep to that, and it appeared that a good portion of the company then followed suit. Kili was the clingiest, almost completely draped on top of me, with Fili plastered to my other side, head resting in the crook of one of my spread arms. Then it seemed like Ori had slipped in, and curled up at the head of the bed, then Nori, nudged between Fili and one of my legs that he wrapped himself around. I then flushed when I realized that Bofur had put his hat over his face and used my crotch as a pillow. 

With my numb limbs, and the embarrassingly squished bits of my person, I reflected on the events of that evening. All of the dwarrows seemed rather nice, laughing, singing, drinking and dancing. The few I managed to actually talk to one-on-one were very kind. Even Dwalin, who seemed like he would be rather menacing, was pleasant. Although kindness with him was the two of us exchanging rather dirty innuendo that had us both laughing at our lewdness while his brother Balin (the advisor that I forgot the name of) rolled his eyes, grinning nonetheless. Generally, most of the dwarrows seemed quite all right with who I was, what I did, and what I was paid to do for the company. Only one seemed to be a little offended at my presence, and that was Dori, Nori and Ori’s older brother. The man had glowered when they asked of my occupation, and then proceeded to cover Ori’s ears, even as the young one rolled his eyes at his brother’s behavior. Not even Bilbo, the respectable gentlehobbit, frowned upon me. Yes, he sputtered and went red, but he didn’t demand my immediate removal or anything equally as cruel.

I also used my current situation to mentally create a list of who would, and who would not, partake in my services.

Thorin? Slim possibility. He seems disinterested, but one never knows the needs of a leader of a company. 

Balin? No. He was nice and friendly to me when we met again, but doesn’t seem at all inclined to partake. Frankly, he seems disinterested in the act altogether.

Dwalin? Most definitely. Not just because of the banter we exchanged, but he definitely cast an interested, almost hungry look at me. He also very purposefully touched my lower back and made sure that the caress lingered for longer than it probably should have.

Fili? I had been startled during some commotion when someone outright pinched my bum, and when I turned to see who it was, the dwarf brat smirked and bloody well _winked_ at me. So, yes.

Kili? Seemed almost awed at my presence, but that was because he never understood what his uncle meant when he spread word that an “expert of death” was joining the company along with a burglar. Everyone seemed to think it was funny up until the point when he asked me to teach him everything I knew. When everyone ceased their laughter, Fili finally explained my full occupation, and his eyes went wide and his face red. Despite that, he seemed rather sweet and shy towards me. So he might, maybe, but not for some time. At least not until he got comfortable with my presence.

Gloin? When I approached him, he went into a very long monologue about his lovely wife and son. He also made a point to heavily emphasize his wife and how much he loved her. No.

Oin? The only interest he has in what’s in my pants is anything medical. Said that we had plenty of herb for the women, and if I was to do anything extremely peculiar and possibly dangerous, I would have to consult him first. I then promptly made a comment on fisting that he didn’t hear, but Dwalin, of course, laughed at. 

Dori? No. Just no.

Nori? Perhaps, especially with the way he was clinging to my leg.

Ori? He looked young, but he wasn’t the youngest. Nor was he completely naïve, what with the dramatic eye roll he gave his brother who tried to shield him from the wicked truth. Despite that, it seemed unlikely. He would probably be more interested in my life story than trying to get into my pants. He was a scribe, after all. 

Bifur? Despite his peculiar manner and the axe in his head, he seemed like he would be rather nice. However, such things seemed very unlikely.

Bofur? Probably. Whenever I turned my back on him, I felt his eyes glued to my arse. He also made some comment about me having the buns to deal with something. Never quite caught what, though.

Bombur? Who knows, but I highly doubt it. Seems more interested in food than getting a leg over.

So really, that left possibly six, and two out of the six were women, if what Thorin told me was true. It was definitely an iffy number, since I wasn’t sure about a good portion of them to begin with. Of course, that number can grow or shrink, and I didn’t even count Bilbo. Who knows what he’d be interested in, let alone if he was interested period. Of course, I didn’t even know if he’d actually change his mind and join the company or not. 

It would be nice if he did. Pointy ears, curly hair, big eyes and rather impressively large feet for such a short man. In general, he looked and seemed rather sweet. Men that I’ve encountered like that, shy and stuttering with their money in hand, turned out to be wild once I got them into the room I had bought out for that night. A rare thing to happen to me in my line of work: a sexual experience where both the customer and I left feeling quite satisfied. 

There was some grumbling at my legs as Nori muttered something and finally let go. He didn’t up and leave, but at least he no longer had a vice on it. I bit back a groan of relief, and then cursed when my bladder made itself known. 

It took some effort, some genuine prying and gentle shifting, before I could safely exit the bed. Kili had whined, which genuinely pulled at my heart a little, when I pulled away. Fili had actually managed to wrap himself around me and pull me down on top of him for a moment before I could slip out of his grasp. Bofur and Nori both were just lucky that I didn’t accidently squish or kick them. Ori was safe at the pillow, barely jostled and completely unharmed.

It took some genuine questing, but I located the bathroom without braining myself on any of the doorframes. They were at the perfect height for a hobbit or a dwarf, but not so much for a man like me, or a wizard like Gandalf, who I’d seen hit his head on a chandelier a couple of times. 

After taking care of my business, I stepped out, planning on returning to the dwarrow dog pile that my current room had become, only to see movement out of the corner of my eye.

It was the hobbit, Bilbo, walking down the hall. I doubt he noticed me, or if he did he decided to leave me be. 

After a moment’s pause I went back to my room to retrieve one of my bags. Thankful that they were all still asleep, I snatched it up and left again, heading off to track down the wandering hobbit. I found him in the sitting room, staring at the now dead fireplace with a deep frown on his face.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” I asked, causing him to jump and look at me.

“Oh! Oh, no. No, I…” He stuttered before furrowing his brows. “I… I didn’t wake you, did I…?”

“Oh, no. I was up anyway.” I responded stepping towards him a bit.

He hummed before turning back to staring into the fireplace. It was quiet, and I was almost tempted to forget my plans and go back to bed when a loud grumble erupted from Bilbo. I turned to see his pointed ears glowing in the dark, and I snickered when I realized the noise came from his stomach.

“Hungry?” I asked, causing him to look at me again. I then held up my bag. “To be honest, I was hiding this for you. It’s some jam and a few biscuits. Not much, but considering what was left of your pantry…”

Relief shown in his eyes and he sagged a little. “Oh, bless you.”

We had somehow wound up settled on the floor, biscuits and an open jam jar in front of us, along with tea (“Wait! I need to make some tea! You can’t have biscuits and jam without tea!”). I only had one, since he offered, but he didn’t seem to mind having the rest to himself. I typically don’t enjoy watching people eat, but he genuinely seemed to enjoy it. Not to mention he made the most delightful little noises.

“You were thinking about the contract, weren’t you?” I asked after a while, seeing him pause as I took a sip of tea.

He chewed on his mouthful and swallowed before answering. “Yes.”

“Are you really not going to sign it? Not go?” 

He let out a tiny sigh as he stretched back onto his elbows, large feet spread out in front of him. “I honestly don’t know what I want to do.” He explained. He then looked at me. “Why did you sign it? Why did you agree to… to… this?”

“Because of the money.” I stated blandly. It sounded shallow, even to me, but it was the truth. “With that share, I can finally buy my freedom. Also, I think it’s because… like them, I don’t really have a home. They _used_ to have one, but I never really did. I really couldn’t with my occupation….”

I then adjusted my position to somewhat mimic Bilbo’s, but bending my legs to accommodate the space, for if I stretched mine out they’d be in the fireplace. “I think I would at least like to go on this quest knowing that, hopefully, some of us will have a home once it’s all over. That I might be able to get a home myself.” I said. “You’re lucky, you know. You already have one.”

“Well, yes.” Bilbo said. “I suppose you’re right…”

I grinned at Bilbo’s pensive look, trying to give the poor man some comfort. While I personally couldn’t understand how hard it would be to just uproot yourself from home and go off to places unknown, I could tell it was hard for him. Not to mention that it seemed like it was just loaded onto his shoulders all at once, which didn’t seem to help at all.

It would be hard for him to truly settle on a decision. I just hoped that, no matter what he truly chose to do, he would not regret it.

“Do…” I blinked at Bilbo as he turned to me, brow furrowed. “Do-do you mind if I ask… about… well, about… are you really…?”

“Am I really a prostitute?” I filled in for him, grinning wider as the tips of his ears went red. “Yes, I am. While that’s not _all_ that I do, since I also kill people, it is my main source of income.”

“Yes, I understand that.” Bilbo replied, still looking rather confused. “But… why that? If you don’t mind me asking. I mean, I don’t mean to sound rude, but…”

“No, I know you mean well. Curiosity and all.” I cut in, relaxing a bit more. “Well, it wasn’t my first choice. I was an assassin, since that’s what I was raised to do. Family business, if you can believe it. We were well known in inner circles for being the best. I was very successful myself.”

“Then what happened?” He asked. “What caused you to… well, go into… well, _this_?”

Shrugging seemed to be the only way to convey my feelings about the entire matter. “My father was very bad with money, and made some rather poor choices. When my parents died, I was left with nothing but a few trinkets that I had to sell when I was dead broke. I was all that was left of my family by that point. And assassination pays well, but business wasn’t exactly booming. Not a lot of warring families and twisted politics. That was my only skill that was really valuable. Well, that and my dashing good looks.”

Bilbo choked around some tea, but I could tell he found it funny from the smile on his face. I chuckled myself before continuing.

“So, I did what any ‘aspiring scarlet man or woman’ would do.” I filled in. “I sought out someone who was experienced, and they took me under their wing. Eventually, I signed a contract, got my tattoo, my collar, and I was a legitimate manwhore by then. Have been ever since.”

“It must be a difficult life for you…” Bilbo said after a moment of pause.

“Well, it’s not easy, that’s for sure.” I responded. “It could be worse, though. There are many in my line of work that get terribly injured because they can’t protect themselves from the brutes out there. Some even get permanently scarred or disfigured. There are a few that even wind up in a ditch somewhere. I’m lucky, and can defend myself. But not every person who seeks out a prostitute is truly horrible. Granted, most are money-pinching hagglers, but there those who are genuinely kind and respectable. Those like this company. So far, they have treated me with nothing but kindness. Even you, Mister Baggins, have been very nice to me, despite my business.”

Now Bilbo’s entire face was pink, and he did look rather sweet like that. “Well, it’s nothing. I-I just… it shouldn’t matter, really. It’s… it’s not my place to say…” He stuttered before straightening a little. “You’re a good man, Master Wieland, from what I can tell of you so far. That’s all that should matter.”

I felt my cheeks ache from the smile I gave him. Really, men like Bilbo were treasures. With all this, I really couldn’t help but roll to my side over him, causing his blush to deepen.

“You know, Mister Baggins, you really have been rather courteous, despite how we barged in on you this evening.” I said, tugging lightly at his suspenders. “I would like to repay you, if you’re willing.”

His throat bobbed heavily as his eyes widened slightly. “Oh, n-no! No, no, y-you don’t have to… to feel obligated in anyway to-.”

“It would be my pleasure.” I told him kindly. “Even if you don’t join us at dawn, it’s free of charge.”

I could tell he was tempted, at least a little. His eyes briefly glazed over and he licked his lips. Alas, he finally shook his head.

“No, no. I… it was… nice of you… to offer. But, I… I really-.”

“It’s fine.” I told him, letting go and leaning back a bit. “The offer stands until dawn. Unless you do decide to join us, then it is open for you to use as often as you like.”

With a final wink, I finally stood. “I really should get back to bed. Early morning and all.” I replied.

“V-Very well.” I heard him speak. “Sleep well, Master Wieland.”

“Wiel.” I corrected, grinning down at him. “Wiel’s perfectly fine, as I told the company. And you try to sleep as well, and have pleasant dreams.”

As I wandered back to my room, I heard him mutter his thanks, which I hummed to in response. It was almost a shame that he declined. If he didn’t wind up coming, would’ve been nice to at least know a little something more about the hobbit, even if it just pertains to how he is in the sack.

So as I crawled back into bed, smiling when the two young dwarrows immediately latched back onto me in their sleep, I hoped that Bilbo Baggins would come. If only to get a much-needed adventure in his life.

**xxx**

To be honest, I wasn’t as surprised as I should be when we heard Bilbo shouting for us as he ran up the hill while we waited on our steeds. Really, I was just happy that he finally decided to just give it a go, because I’m sure he’d never have a chance like this ever again. 

That, and seeing him out of breath and smiling so wide it looked like his face would split in two, made my own position in the company much more enjoyable. And richer, since I was one of those who bet that Bilbo would indeed join us that day.

I grinned, pocketing my winnings and hearing Gandalf pocket his own, just as I heard Bilbo sidle up next to my horse on his pony. Poor thing looked rather frazzled on it, and even moreso after Bofur kindly gave him a piece of his clothing to use as a handkerchief.

“I am very glad you changed your mind, Mister Baggins.” I told him cheerily.

“Bilbo, Wiel, please. If I can call you Wiel, you must call me Bilbo.” He corrected with a smile. “And well… I’m glad too.”

I chuckled then as we continued to trot along in silence, which only lasted briefly before Bilbo cleared his throat awkwardly.

“And, erm… J-Just to be clear…” He spoke as his ears went pink, and I better see how cute it looked on him. “I… no offense, but I… didn’t join… just because of… erm, just because of… well, of your offer.”

I couldn’t help but burst into laughter at his words, even as he just went pinker. “Oh, Bilbo, I figured, and I am in no way offended that that’s the case!”

It only took a few more moments before Bilbo joined me.

And as we continued riding with the company, all I could think of, in that point in time, was that this would be quite an interesting adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. "No Bilbo/OC smut? There was opportunity there! Why not!?" Well, I didn't think it would really be in character (wat?) for Bilbo to go "Ya ok big tall manwhore let's get busy right here right now where a bunch of dwarrows can waltz right in and see us oh take me or rather let me take you I'm such a top". Don't worry, though. I do plan on some smut happening very soon. If you have ideas for it, let me know!
> 
> Also, yes: fem!Dwarrows ahoy! Who are they? Wait and see.
> 
> I also don't really think Ori would really sit down with Wieland and ask him his life story so he could write all about it or anything. Then again...
> 
> And yes, Dwalin seems like JUST the kind of dwarf to make dirty jokes with a male prostitute. Bofur, too, though they're not as obvious.
> 
> Anyway, who shall get into Wieland's pants first? Fili? Or maybe Dwalin?


	3. Dwalin and Ettiquette

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut time! Finally! 
> 
> It's long, and it might be a bit odd since I don't have a lot of experience writing this kind of stuff, but hopefully you will enjoy it.
> 
> Also, some notes: My headcanon about dwarrowdams, or lady dwarrows (dwarves), is that thy can dress up nice and be addressed as how they are. However, if they are warriors, they are treated like men, because they are equals in battle. That's how it is in my head, anyway. 
> 
> So yes, there's fem!Dwalin, and that's why Wieland keeps thinking of him as a man, and addressing him as such.

There were many things that had fascinated me about what Thorin had disclosed to me about their culture. Kisses on the mouth were fine, but a dwarven kiss (touching foreheads together, gently and for an extended period of time) were off limits. Only lovers and family could kiss like that. Then there was their gender. Oh, there weren’t many female dwarrows, or “dwarrowdams” as they called them. Many of them dressed like women, and were addressed as such. However, those who were warriors by trade, royalty or no, were addressed with the same pronouns as the men were. They were equals to the men, and were labeled as such. The only people who were allowed to do so differently were family and lovers, again, and that was only in private.

Was it necessarily hard to continue addressing the women of the company as such after finding out? To mentally call them such? No. Then again, I didn’t know if it would be hard or not once I saw them naked.

I was going to find out sooner than I expected.

We had stopped in Bree, despite Thorin’s insistence that we could press on, and I had the pleasure of dealing with the innkeeper who was one of the few that saw the value of men like me. He happily accepted my money, gave me my room key along with extras for my customers, and then politely asked if I was advertising to the entire tavern. I politely declined, which he accepted. It was all rather proper and a rarity that I enjoyed that night.

“Do the innkeepers always treat you like this?”

I looked at Dwalin, who was seated next to me, as I drank down some ale. I slammed the tankard down once I was finished.

“Not always.” I explained. “Many are downright rude, and there are others that try to weasel a free session out of me to ‘test the goods’, if you will. No, this is rare. Pleasant, but rare.”

“I don’t know how you’d deal with that.” Dwalin growled. “If I had been you in those situations, none of those men would’ve survived.”

I grinned cheekily. “I do believe that is why you are a great warrior, Master Dwalin. The fucking I do is quite different than what you typically do.”

He laughed at that, head tilted back, and I chuckled myself. It was conversations like this that made me like Dwalin. I could be as crass and blunt as I liked, and he did nothing but appreciate it, even find it humorous. I didn’t have to try and use fanciful words or be overtly polite around him. I think he also appreciated it; maybe even respected me. If only a little.

“Tell me,” He said finally, leveling me with a hard stare. “How many of these men do you think will be begging for your keys for the night?”

“If I were offering, I think quite a bit.” I replied evenly. 

“And you’re not?”

I smirked. “You might not have caught it, but I politely informed the innkeeper that I wouldn’t be available for anyone outside of my company tonight.”

“And if someone were to ask for your services?” He asked, his own smirk growing. “How would they go about it?”

“Well, one could just ask to do any lewd thing they want with me, within reason. Perhaps ask for the price, but since I’m paid for, the company doesn’t have to do that.” I explained, and he snorted at my former statement. “I do prefer the polite way, though.”

“What is the polite way?”

A small part of me thought he was just curious, but a bigger part of me figured that he actually wanted. An unexpected thrill came from that thought. I might have been in this line of work for a while, but never have I had a dwarrow of any kind ask for my services. If what I was assuming was true, Dwalin would be my first. 

“Well, I would say…” I hummed in thought before leaning in a bit. “It would be, ‘I humbly ask for your services’.”

Dwalin’s smirk didn’t dissipate as he leaned in himself. Every exhale smelled of spice from the food and the tang of the drink. It wasn’t as foul as it probably should’ve been. 

“I humbly ask for your services.” He murmured in a deep, rumbling purr that sent thrills down my spine. I’ve never felt this excited for a customer in my life. There must’ve been something about the way Dwalin spoke those words, fairly close to my ear. Or it could’ve been how big he was, despite being shorter. The weapons, I knew, did nothing. They never impressed me with anyone else. It might just be the newness. Of course, it could be the fact that Dwalin laughed and conversed with me like a person instead of just a random whore.

“Why, Master Dwalin.” I purred, pulling back just a hair and running a finger down the furs on his chest. “Was that just for practice, or are you serious?”

His chuckle shook me as he bussed my chin with his nose. “And if I was serious?”

I glanced around, noting that the rest of the company, spread out as it was, wasn’t focusing on us. So I smirked, pulling out one of my spare room keys and showing it to him under the table. 

“Last room down our hall, on the right. Wait five minutes after I leave.” I explained, trying to hide my nerves as I slipped it into his lose hand. I was strangely grateful that he clutched it firmly. 

“Five minutes.” He parroted, pulling back, obviously rather pleased with himself as he went back to his ale. 

I gave him a smirk before quickly downing the rest of my drink, ignoring the burn and trying to calm my thumping heart. With a heavy hand, I pounded it on the table and slid away. I made a bit of a show by sauntering out of the tavern to head for my room, and I felt eyes burn on my back. It only caused my smirk to widen.

It would appear that the first member of the company to partake in my services came around sooner than expected.

**xxx**

The five minutes gave me time freshen up a bit. I wasn’t dirty, and I already bathed before we adjourned to eat and drink in the tavern, but I was going to make an effort when I could. I didn’t completely undress, standing in my trouser at the water basin that I used to quickly wash my face. It was always a bit of fun to have something to remove when you’re divesting someone else. 

As I dried my face, I caught my reflection in the window. I was probably not what many dwarrows considered handsome or attractive. I was fair and red-haired, which I kept to my shoulders, usually tied back with a leather strap like I did now. I was fairly androgynous looking, and many of my kind found that appealing for someone in my line of work, but considering my new clientele, I figured I would need more time for them to ask for me. When they were desperate. 

I was pleased that it wouldn’t be the case.

Just as I finished and had draped the towel I used next to the basin, I heard the lock fiddled with and the door opened. I shut the curtains and grinned as I saw Dwalin enter and shut the door behind him. My eyebrow rose when I heard him grumble.

“Something wrong?”

“Got a lovely earful before I came here.” Dwalin replied as he locked the door. “Apparently, one of the young ones wanted to be first.”

“Let me guess. Fili?”

“Yes, Fili. The brat sulked and everything.” Dwalin groused as he put the key to the side and began unbuckling his armor. “Thorin gave him an earful, already.”

“I must admit, I’m surprised.” I said, crossing my arms over my bare chest. “I didn’t think I’d have you all clambering to have at me.”

Dwalin smirked. “Is it an unpleasant surprise?”

“Not at all.” I said, taking the key as it was offered. “I’m very pleased.”

“As I hope I will be.” Dwalin stated, standing in just a tunic and trousers. 

“I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.” I said. “Have you taken your herb?”

Because Dwalin was one of the few dwarrowdams of this company, and I had to ask as a precaution.

As he snorted, he didn’t sound at all insulted. “While I highly doubt you’ll give me child, I did.” He responded, pulling me to him, and I shivered as I felt his cloth-covered arms around my waist. 

I looked down at him, his head stopping at my chest. “I was always curious, how do you lot take it?”

“As an absolutely horrid-tasting tea.” He groused before narrowing his eyes. “Is this really appropriate conversation for what’s about to happen?”

I bit my lip. “I’m just trying to distract you from what the bed looks like.”

Of course he looked, and he was not pleased. “ _Steps_? You put _steps_ there leading to your bed?”

“ _I_ didn’t.” I cut in before Dwalin got too angry. “They were there when I got here. My guess was that they left them there in case a hobbit ever wished to partake in another human in my line of work.”

Dwalin scoffed. “That makes sense, I guess.” 

“I’m glad you’ve been appeased.” I purred, hearing and feeling him chuckle as I ran my fingers through his beard. “Any specifics you would like to share? Certain things you like done to yourself?”

Dwalin just smirked, reaching up and tugging at my hair. “You’ll just have to find out.”

“A challenge? I like those.” I responded. I blinked when I felt something loosen, and my hair went free. “Now you’re just disheveling me.”

He just hummed, combing rough fingers through it. “It’s a lot softer than I expected.” He muttered before tugging my head down. “What are your thoughts on kisses, boy?”

 _Boy_? Oh, he really did want to challenge me. “They’re quite welcome.”

It was not as rough or painful as I thought, for Dwalin’s beard was a pleasant rasp on my face, and his lips gentle. Despite his gentleness, I felt devoured, tongue diving in quick and feeling about, almost completely overwhelming me. I decided to let him lead as I focused more on getting a feel of what I was about to experience. Despite his gender, he was pretty much completely muscle, rippling under my moving hands. I felt something under his tunic, and figured they were bindings, unless he had recently got injured in his chest.

Despite how sturdy he was, and how he was distracting me with his tongue in my mouth and his hands rhythmically massaging my leather-clad rump, I managed to maneuver him towards the bed, shoving him down lightly when he bumped into it. I felt a little proud when I took in his pink face and eyes glazed with arousal. Said arousal seemed to spike when I nudged his legs apart and stood between them.

“Shall I continue to divest you myself?” I inquired lightly, lips still feeling hot and tingly. “Or would you like to do it yourself?”

“I’d figure I’d just kick of my trousers at this point.” Dwalin replied, which I frowned at. Because while I’ve had clients request that they leave pieces of clothing on, it was only when they were obviously self-conscious with their body. Dwalin seemed like the last person to exist with that problem.

“Why just your trousers?”

Dwalin then sent me a look. “I think it’s quite obvious.”

Then it clicked. Dwarrowdams were obviously different from my kind, with different builds and being hairy in places that you would typically find bare. Obviously Dwalin wanted to spare me feeling uncomfortable about what he looked like, even though it might be normal for his kind. 

I just rolled my eyes, guiding him to lay parallel on the bed as I shuffled over to hover over him.

“You shouldn’t have to do that unless that’s what you really want. I won’t deny that this is the first time I’ve serviced a dwarf, but you should not feel like you need to hide something from me, considering where we are and what we’re doing.” I told him firmly, causing his eyes to narrow. “At least let me get a feel, first. Then we can get your entire kit off. Is that agreeable?”

“As you wish.” Dwalin grunted, and I felt him shiver slightly as I rubbed at his cloth-covered belly. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

“I don’t need a warning. I know quite what to-oh!” I stated, only to pause. For I had just started to slip my hands underneath his shirt. “ _Oh_ …”

“What?” He asked as I felt him tense. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing! That wasn’t a bad ‘oh’. Not bad at all!” I replied quickly, lowering myself so I was lying on my belly on top of him, face level with the now bare strip of hairy skin. “I’m just… surprised.”

Dwalin scoffed and I sent him a look. “Let me finish! I am surprised, but not the way you think.” I continued, still rubbing his tense midriff with my hands. “It’s nice.”

I felt him relax a bit. “Nice?”

I hummed, leaning down to nuzzle. “Very nice.” I replied against his clenching stomach. “Your body hair’s different. Not wiry at all. It’s so soft.”

And it was. While most of the body hair I was used to was wiry and coarse, causing burns in awkward places, Dwalin’s was different. It was like fur, freshly washed and pettable. All the tension melted from him as he chuckled, bouncing his abs against my mouth as I kissed and nipped at his flesh.

“Just don’t call me a bear.” He replied, and I glanced up to see him smirking. “And don’t go tickling me like I’m some babe!”

To be cheeky, I gave his stomach a good, wet raspberry before tugging on some of his hairs with my teeth and ascending towards his chest. Hiking the material of his tunic as I went, I encountered the gauze-like fabric that bound his breasts. 

“Sit up.” I replied, pulling back a bit. He groaned as he did so, bunched tunic falling down slightly. I then pushed my hands back up, fiddling with his bindings. “Gonna undo these.”

“You don’t have to.” He told me, even after I unlatched them and began to awkwardly unwind them. “If you really want, I can do that myself.”

“Don’t stop me now! I’ve got a rhythm going.” I chided, rocking back and forth as my hands went around, rolling the bindings back up as I unraveled him. “If anything, I could make you stand up and twirl.”

He laughed, chest bouncing as his breasts slowly became free. “That would be a sight!”

“No, this will be. Ha!” I crowed as I finished, holding up the bindings triumphantly before setting them to the side so they wouldn’t be lost. He chuckled again, even as I guided him back down. “Now, let me show you exactly what I think of your chest.”

“You make it sound like some great mission.” Dwalin joked. “Trying to make me flash my tits.”

“Absolutely.” I told him, laying back down and pushing my hands underneath to feel his furred body. “Best mission of the night, if I do say so myself.”

“If you insist.” He retorted, even as I felt his knees bend to frame me, pressing his heated core against my belly. “Don’t let me stop you. Have at it.”

Despite the bold words, I could tell he was nervous. Even moreso as I finally felt my fingers bump against the underside of his bosom. 

It seemed that dwarrows, or at least Dwalin in particular, were furred everywhere. As I became bold and moved my hands to cup his surprisingly ample breasts, I felt that same soft fur covering them, halting at the nubs of his nipples. I was pleased to see that his nerves didn’t stop him from showing how pleased he was, as he arched into my groping hands, humming from deep inside his chest. As my fingers gently brushed against his nips, he gasped, and I felt myself twitch as I finally became aware of my own state.

I was never one to easily get aroused by my clients, as my job dimmed my excitement quite a bit. It took quite a bit of focus sometimes to become hard and to stay hard, but apparently this experience was making it quite easy for me. I bit back my own pleased noise, focusing on Dwalin’s pleasantly sensitive breasts, or “tits” as he liked to call them.

Seeing that he was pleasantly distracted by the sensations, I boldly hiked up his tunic some more, exposing his hairy mounds enough so that his rosy nubs met the air and tightened a little at the exposure. Sure, hairy breasts weren’t common, but they looked completely normal besides. Sweet looking nipples framed by black fur, fleshy tits heaving up and down with each breath. 

I pinched them lightly, hearing him grunt and I grinned up at him, seeing his eyes shut tightly and brow furrowed. Oh, but he was sensitive here. Finally, I leaned down and latched my mouth onto one. 

The groan he emitted would’ve been heard if someone was by the door. 

He pushed into my face as I swirled my tongue along the nub, fingers gently rubbing on the other. A slight twist got a grunt, a nip of the teeth got a hiss, and suckling hard caused another guttural groan as his hands flew to my hair. As I continued, I kneaded gently, suckling as I did and feeling his toes curl at my shins. By the time I switched sides, tongue flicking on the other as my fingers fiddled with the one slick with spit, he was humping my stomach, making me aware of how damp he was getting just from this. I grinned around the nub I was latched onto when I finally felt him rip his tunic off before grabbing handfuls of my hair and pushing me into his flesh.

Job well done, Wieland. Job _very_ well done. 

He groaned when I finally pulled back and sat up, and I only smirked down at him as he looked at me with hazy, narrowed eyes.

“See? Lovely tits.” I told him. “Nothing to worry about.”

He snorted, spit-slick tits jiggling slightly. “And I’m thankful.” He said, voiced hoarse with arousal. “You could understand my hesitation, though.”

“Well, yes. I suppose.” I responded, petting him again and squeezing his hairy mounds lightly. “It’s not a common thing amongst my people, but they’re certainly not horrific. Trust me, I’ve seen some rather nasty ones.”

“Really? Do tell.”

“You really want me to talk about how many foul-smelling, dirt-covered breasts I’ve had to fondle?” I asked, fondling Dwalin’s own. “Well, there was one warrior woman who had one partially cut off. Poor thing was lopsided. I still gave them attention.”

He just smirked, and I returned it when he grabbed one of my fondling hands and guided it downwards.

“Impatient much?”

“Well, this is where I originally wanted you to go.” He replied, forcing them down under his trousers where my fingers met more fur and even more heat. 

“What shall I use? Fingers?”

He used his spare hand to grab my chin, fondling my lips with his calloused thumb. “Well, you do have such a lovely mouth.”

“Your wish shall be granted.” I replied, nipping his wandering thumb before freeing my one hand. I then used both to untie his laces and shove the last of his garments away. He helped a little, kicking them off partially before I got them free from his feet and chucked them away. He seemed amused at that, but merely bent his legs and let them fall open.

Now this, despite our differences, was very similar. While his thighs had more hair than I was accustomed, the pelt of dense hair on his pelvis was not different. Nor were the glistening folds between his legs. I scooted down, feeling a little eager to please, and I hoisted his legs up, putting one each over my shoulders before bending down and being hit by the smell of his arousal. It was definitely more metallic than musky, but with one cautious glance, I saw that it wasn’t because he was having a bleed but more of that being normal.

Instead of diving straight in, I nuzzled that pelt of hair, inhaling his scent as I rubbed my hands along his trembling thighs. One thing I did like was tugging his lovely body hair with my teeth, which I did just then, and from the way he hissed he liked it as well. It wasn’t until I felt a hand on my head pushing me down that I finally licked his glistening arousal from the bottom up. Then I merely buried my head there and went to work. 

I took my time exploring him with my tongue, laving his heated lips before dipping into his wet entrance. Such things caused him to hiss and groan, but he outright growled in what appeared to be his native tongue when I reached his nub. I flicked it a bit before using long licks again, starting at his entrance and working up. His hips twitched with each go, and his hand tightened in my hair, causing my scalp to burn. I finally wrapped my lips around it and sucked, causing him to bark in pleasure and push me further into his flesh. 

I kept there, suckling and rolling it with my tongue, sometimes dipping further away, but always returning. He continued to growl and curse, hips undulating as he was practically humping my face. 

His breathing became harsher, and I was sure he was about to come, but my actions were halted when I felt his thighs lock up around my head and the heel of his hand dig into my forehead. I gazed up at him, feeling him both push me away and pull me in. It was a rather confusing circumstance until I saw the look in his eyes. 

Arousal was there, but so was a spark of something else.

A challenge. He was testing me.

Well, two could play at that game.

I sent him my own challenging look before I took one hand and jammed two fingers into his cunt, quickly quirking my fingers to press at his upper wall.

He shouted at the ceiling in surprise and pleasure, head falling back and chest heaving. The pushing went away as he shoved me forward, and I continued to assault his nub as my fingers worked him inside, pumping away and pressing into a particularly spongy bit inside. His cries escalated until his hips kicked up sharply and his insides clenched and convulsed in completion around my fingers. 

His grip on me loosened, and my mouth left him, kissing my way up his twitching stomach as my fingers slowed their pumping as his walls kept convulsing. 

“Don’t stop!” He growled tightly by the time I reached his chest. “Don’t you _dare_ -!”

So I renewed my pumping fingers, slipping in a third as I latched onto one of his nipples. His snarling sounded less violent and more desperate as he humped my fast-moving hand and pushed me into his chest. His second climax quickly followed, hearing his voice rise in pitch as he cinched around me. 

When it started dying down, he pushed me up and away, only to sit up himself. He rested his head on my chest, panting, while my fingers were still shoved inside him.

“You…” He panted after a while. “Really know how to rise to a challenge.”

I preened under his praise. “Why, thank you.” 

He snorted then, lifting his head a little and grinning up at me. “I admit, I was surprised.” He said, chest still heaving. “Penetration was never enjoyable.”

Now that surprised me. “What? You don’t know of this spot?” I asked, gently rubbing the flesh inside with my fingers and feeling him twitch against me.

“No, no.” He replied, guiding the heel of my hand to lightly rest against his sensitive nub. “Only this. Only my gem.”

“Your gem?” I parroted, genuinely curious. “That’s an interesting name. I’ve only heard it called a nub. The spot inside you is always called… well, just a spot.”

“Surely we could think of a better name than that.” He joked, his grin turning playful.

“Well, it should be named something precious.” I replied. “Something rare and wondrous. That make you think of anything?”

“Just the Arkenstone.” He replied, and I howled, knowing of its tale through Thorin. Dwalin also smirked. “But don’t go saying that around the company! They’d be very cross!”

“I don’t see why!” I joked. “Behold, the discovery of the precious Arkenstone! Every dwarrow has one! Wondrous and beautiful, hidden deep within their vast caverns!”

Dwalin howled himself, his whole body shaking in laughter before he gently urged my hand out of his sensitized flesh. “Oh, lad!” He wheezed. “Oh, you really know how to tickle someone.”

“I certainly do!” I chortled, waggling my eyebrows and causing him to snort.

“And while I do like being tickled.” He purred, and I felt my pulse quicken as he tugged at my laces. “I think I’m not quite done with you, yet.”

My retort was cut off when he spared a hand to pull my head down, slanting his lips on mine and licking his flavor from my mouth. I hummed, for he really did have a lovely tongue, and I grunted in shock when he tugged my trousers down and open, my engorged cock popping out and into the cool air. He chuckled against my lips, and I could only hiss as he wrapped his hand around me and began to pump. His hands were rough with callouses, but it only made my blood sing as I grunted into his mouth, my hips twitching of their own volition. I figured he’d just want to give me a quick handjob as payment, but he shoved me onto my back before sitting astride my hips, impaling himself on me. 

I let out my own string of curses as he shouted again. He was a big dwarf, but that spoke nothing of what he was like inside. He was tight and blood hot, and I almost came like a teen because of the dual sensations.

“ _Mahal_ …” He panted, chest heaving and I ground my teeth as he clenched around me a little. “Lad, you are big.”

I was actually only a bit above average, but I still grinned at the compliment. “I am a son of man.”

He chuckled, one hand stroking my chest. “Cheeky…” He purred, his hand going up my neck and on my chin, two of his fingers touching my lips. I nipped them before sucking them into my mouth, grunting as he began to rock against me. I bent my legs for support, stroking his thighs and up to his chest, fondling him as he continued his undulations and grunted. I took deep breaths through my nose, trying to calm myself as he continued to move, grunting when he finally began to lift himself up and drop back down. He groaned, repeating the motion as I pinched his tits and met the slam of his hips with my own. 

“Come on, boy…” He growled, pinching one of my own nubs and pushing his fingers deeper into my mouth. “You can do better than that.”

I sent him a dirty look, for I did _not_ like that name. But I still moved my hands to grasp his hips and immediately picked up a punishing rhythm.

“Oh, that’s it!” He snarled, hips still as I continued to pound up into him. “That’s it, keep going!”

I snarled at my own pleasure, which sounded more like a gurgle through the drool that pooled in my mouth. His own sounds of pleasure escalated as I began to pull him down to meet my thrusts. 

He let out a loud stream of curses and I fought not to bite down as he came around me. “Good lad…” He snarled, staring down at me with heat in his eyes as he pushed my tongue down. “Come on. Come in me. Do it fast or I’ll get off and leave you like this!”

I choked, going as fast and hard as I could. I felt my own release building, but I desperately tried to get him to come again. I dug my fingers into his flesh as I went, not worrying about bruises that were unlikely to form. Finally, I peaked and couldn’t fight it, drool spilling out of my mouth as I groaned around his fingers as I shoved as far as I could, releasing inside. 

He let out a deep groan in satisfaction, rocking his hips. It stuttered, and I felt him convulse around my own pulsing member. I grinned around his fingers, pleased despite the pleasure reaching pain as he continued to clench around my spent member. 

I fell to the bed, swallowing hard as he removed his fingers from my mouth and rolled off of me. I wiped my mouth from spit and looked at my glistening hand, then threw it over the side of the bed, feeling the rush of calm as I came down. I blinked in surprise, though, when I felt him pull and tug me to him, resting my head on his heaving chest. I felt a little pleased at that, wrapping around him and moving close to his heated flesh.

“That…” He grumbled happily. “Was quite good…”

I snorted. “Pleased that it met your expectations.”

“Met and exceeded.” He commented, and my grin broadened. “Although I couldn’t help but notice how you acted when I called you ‘boy’.”

I flinched then, petting his damp stomach. “It’s not a nickname I’m overtly fond of.” I spoke lightly. “Lad’s fine, but boy… Far too many cruel people have called me that for me to enjoy it.”

I felt his hand caress my back at that. “I apologize.”

“Don’t. You didn’t know.” I explained, looking up at him. “Other than that, you were a lovely client. I do hope you’ll be coming again.”

He chuckled and I grinned. “Oh, definitely.” He remarked. “I’ll be ‘coming’ again quite soon.”

I snorted and we laughed amongst ourselves for a few more moments. I hummed when he stroked his fingers through my hair. 

“Will you be staying the night?” I asked after the sweat had cooled and my skin began to itch lightly.

“Do you want me to?”

“It’s up to you.” I responded. “Whatever you’re comfortable with. I won’t feel awful if you left to go back, but I won’t feel imposed if you stayed.” 

“Well…” He spoke slowly. “While your bed is comfortable, and you’re the only one in it, I’m afraid I need to return to my own room. Thorin might wish to see me, along with other things.”

I gave him a look. “What other things?”

“Well, his nephews might want to steal you for a while.” Dwalin drawled. “And I need to report my findings.”

I gawked. “You _were_ testing me!”

“Well, the company wanted someone to see if you were worth the money!” He spoke defensively. “We didn’t necessarily think Thorin would. Hasn’t done anything like that in quite a few decades.”

“Understandable.” I grumped. “I guess.”

Dwalin adjusted our position so he could kiss my cheek. “Don’t be like that, lad.” He said softly. “I genuinely did want to come here selfishly. Telling the others will basically be bragging for me.”

I bit back a grin. “Well, I guess I’m fine with that.” I told him, slapping his butt cheekily. “Go and brag. Inform the others that I’m worth every speck of gold you paid me with!”

He snorted. “And more.” He purred, kissing me one more time before clamoring over me to get off the bed. “I should clean up a bit.”

“Help yourself.” I replied, snuggling in further into the sheets, watching his hairy rump move as he limped to the basin. “Did I… I didn’t hurt you…”

Dwalin snorted as he began to clean himself off. “Hardly. You’ve got a mighty hammer, lad, but I’m not some fair elven lass.”

I snorted. “Hammer.” I chortled. “That’s a good one.”

He laughed, and it fell silent as he continued to clean himself off and then get dressed. He was pretty much completely dressed, with some things in his hands, before he crept up to the bed and kissed me one last time.

“Good night, Wiel.” He said, and I grinned at the use of my name. “Don’t let the boys push you too hard. They might be demanding, and pout heavily, but stand your ground if you’re too tired!”

I scoffed. “I think I can handle them.” I remarked. “So long as I get a few minutes to clean up.”

He chuckled then, slapping my own rump before leaving.

“Well!?” I heard cried out from the other side. To be honest, it sounded a lot like Bofur. “How was it?”

“He passed with flying colors!”

As I heard cheers erupt, I couldn’t help muffling my laughter into the pillows. 

At least I passed with flying colors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First smutty chapter, and it only took two other chapters to get here! 
> 
> Anyway, if you have any suggestions, please feel free to let me know!


	4. Kili Cuddles and Fili's Hairy Bum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felt like throwing in a bit of Fíli fun (not a lot because Wieland's still human), and then a bit of sibling banter.

After some light dozing, I finally pulled myself out of bed, cleaned myself up, snuffed out the lantern, and tucked myself under the covers to sleep.

I only had a few more minutes of peace before the lock on my door jiggled.

Immediately, I tensed. I knew that Dwalin had mentioned that Thorin’s nephews would be wanting in, but I was so sure I had taken his key. Not that I didn’t want them inside, but that didn’t mean I was okay with the door unlocking when I _took the key_.

To be honest, I was hoping it would be one of them, and not what my thoughts were envisioning: some idiot drunk who thought he could just break in. My mind played with the thought that maybe the dwarrows thought it’d be best to have someone watching the door in case something like that happened, but it was unlikely. I wasn’t the only one who needed sleep, after all.

It wasn’t until the door opened that I relaxed. For the light that streamed through my window revealed that, at the door, there was a head peeking through with golden hair at about dwarf height.

Fíli. Of course.

I closed my eyes, trying to feign sleep, even as I heard the door being shut carefully, although not quietly. I bit my cheek when I heard Fíli trying to tiptoe over, cursing when he tripped over something. I knew I couldn’t play being asleep for much longer, and I gave up the game entirely when I felt whiskery kisses being peppered on my cheek.

“Well, hello.” I greeted, tilting my head as I felt them travel to my chin and neck. “Pleasant way to wake up. That’s seems to be insured in this company.”

“And hello yourself.” Fíli whispered in my ear. “Kíli should be here in a while, so I was-…. Are those steps leading up to your bed?”

“Didn’t put them there. Not my fault.” I groaned, wrapping an arm around Fíli, who seemed to focus back on me. “What were you saying about Kíli?”

Fíli just crawled onto the bed and over me, slipping under the covers and plastering himself onto my side. He then proceeded to nuzzle my chest affectionately.

“Kili’s busy for a bit, won’t be here for a while.” He stated, wriggling his hips as I felt a hard bulge nudge my hip. “Figured you would be so kind.”

I hummed then, slowly turning onto my side as Fíli flopped gracelessly onto his back. In the dim light, I saw that he was wearing naught but a pleased smirk on his face. 

“I’m always kind.” I murmured, pecking his whiskery cheeks and pawing his shaft, causing him to giggle and moan. “What would you like?”

“I’d really like it if you’d fuck me.”

I felt both our cocks twitch at the thought, but mine was still quite spent after my earlier time with Dwalin.

“Tempted as I am, I’m afraid that I still need some recovery time.” I murmured, reaching down to gently fondle his balls. “That, and we leave in the morning. On horses and ponies. I would weep for you and your poor backside in sympathy.”

Fíli snorted, arching his head back as I nibbled his neck. “I might be young, but I have been on a pony after an earlier ride, of sorts.” He purred, groaning as I let my fingers tease the skin just below his family jewels. He bent one leg, spreading himself open for me. “Ooh, it wouldn’t be that much of a problem.”

“Yes, but while I do not doubt your prowess, you do realize that I am probably a lot bigger than most dwarrows.” I explained, glancing at his length, red and glistening. It was quite an impressive thing. I beat him in length by a couple inches, but he was quite close to me in thickness.

“Not thickness.” He panted, trying for smarmy, but sounded winded. I decided to let one of my fingers slip down his cleft, brushing his entrance and feeling the muscles spasm there. I thought something felt different, but Fíli was quite a distracting dwarf. He outright whined, hips twitching. “Please, just play with it a while!”

“I will, I will.” I soothed, kissing him, aiming for chaste but Fíli grabbed my head and kept me there for a while, tongue dipping in deep and teasing the roof of my mouth. “Just need to grab something slick!”

With that, I shuffled over to the table next to it, pulling drawers and pawing them until I found a small container of oil. 

“Glad that they had this here.” I said, opening it. “Otherwise, there could be-.”

I trailed off as I saw that Fíli had shifted so his legs were bent up to his chest, practically folding himself in half. He was quite possibly just as hairy as Dwalin, I noted, but he was golden. It made it look like his skin was glistening with more than just sweat. He was lovely and flushed as well, and his smirk did nothing to bely his evident arousal and eagerness.

“Well, aren’t you a pretty picture.” I cooed, slathering up some oil onto my one hand before setting the jar back on the table, top on but not attached.

“I bet you say that to every dashing client.” He teased lightly, wriggling more as I settled in-between his splayed thighs. 

“Oh, no. I certainly do not.” I replied, ghosting my oiled fingers from his strained neck and down his chest and quaking belly. “I hardly ever get any dashing clients. You dwarrows, though. Definitely dashing.”

“Mm…” Fíli hummed pleasantly as I grasped his prick and stroked. “I thank you on their behalf. Oo!”

He bucked as I fondled him, over his balls and down to that patch of skin. He definitely loved to be touched there. I know I certainly did. But I also couldn’t help but notice that he was quite damp, as if he cleaned himself and came here without drying fully.

I decided to address it. “You’re wet.” 

“I got a little excited.” He replied, arching as I started slowly stroking down to his downy cleft. He then pulled my head up to meet his, and instead of kissing me, he tilted his head and nipped my ear. “I’m clean. _Very_ clean.”

“Are you now…” I drawled slowly, and if I was any younger, my own cock would’ve promptly fucked recovery time and would’ve stood up straight. Because, gods above, the way he said it was just filthy.

Of course, the act that he was implying was also considered just outright filthy, but I knew that it was quite alright, so long as the receiving party was courteous. That, and I personally enjoyed it, receiving it mostly. Only two customers have ever done it to me, one even insisting that he clean me himself (that was awkward, and I felt like a child, but afterwards such thoughts were very much forgotten), and I loved how my whole body lit up at each press of their tongues. 

“Well, far be it from me to ignore such an opportunity.” I responded, and I saw his eyes light up with glee. I shuffled down some more, biting back a snicker as he held his knees up and open for me. He was quite eager, and I was a little myself when I saw him: cock and balls slick and glistening, framed with hair even softer than Dwalin’s, and his furled entrance pink and twitching. 

I decided to make a meal of it (pun not quite intended), and went for his balls first. Laving away the fatty, almost fruity-tasting oil from them before sucking each one into my mouth. Such actions got such a lovely keening noise to pour from his lips, which only went higher in pitch when I sucked kisses into that sensitive patch of skin underneath. 

To make the rest of the job easier, I grasped his hips and pulled a little, tilting them up just a bit more so I could more easily access him. Such an action caused his breath to hitch and his thighs to flex, but after a quick glance upward, he was more than okay. He was flushed all over his face and down to his chest. He was biting his bottom lip, but he had such a sweet look dancing across the rest of his face: looking so out of his mind in pleasure that it was almost painful.

He was so clearly a receiver that still had so much to experience, especially if his cock was anything to go by: deep red and rigid, went from oil and his own fluids. Looking like it could almost come from just the thought of my tongue on his arse. 

If he was the one in charge of producing heirs, I would pity the poor woman he’d have to marry. Unless, of course, said woman also liked to strap one on and plow their husbands into the mattress. 

Ignoring such irrelevant thoughts, I licked a broad strip from his twitching furl and to his balls, hearing him whine and feeling him shiver. I did that a few more times before focusing on his entrance, feeling it twitch under every swift flick of my tongue. He was taking in such huge gulps of air as I was getting ready to go in, that I paused and looked up at him.

“Breathe, Fíli.” I told him calmly, stroking my fingers along the flesh I still held firmly. “I’m glad you love it, but I don’t want you passing out and missing it.”

“I know, I know!” Fíli panted before taking in a few steadying breaths and relaxing. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. It’s just… I’ve never…!”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” I soothed, sitting up now. Apparently, we were repeating our words now. “It’s alright, Fee. Just remember to take deep breaths, okay? Trust me, it’s much better when you take deep breaths.”

I kissed his cheek awkwardly at that, weaving around his trembling legs. He hummed and affirmation at that, jerking his head in what appeared to be a nod. As I went back into my earlier position, I noted that he was taking my words to heart: breathing deep breaths as some of the tension seemed to bleed out. As soon as he was calm enough, I went right back to his entrance, kissing and suckling so it relaxed again. He was still breathing deep, but he moaned at every exhale. It then rose in pitch and volume when I finally pushed in.

I was thankful that they didn’t put anyone next door to me, but I was frankly worried that someone was in the hallway. 

He seemed to catch on to his own noise, as I wriggled about inside, for his sobs became muffled. I figured that he was smothering his noises with a pillow, and continued.

I really had no specific system to this, since the main goal was just to work Fíli into a frenzy before I put my hand on him. I alternated between pumping my tongue in and out, to wriggling, even to full out pulling out to kiss and nuzzle before putting it back in. Where Dwalin had growled and grumbled deeply, Fíli was all high whines and whimpers, outright sobbing if I hit a place particularly well. 

He was starting those quick, panting breaths again, I decided to finally finish him off before he blacked out. Releasing one hand from his hip, I reached up and fisted his slick prick, and was surprised when it pulsed the moment I touched it, inner muscles contracting rhythmically around my tongue. I pulled away with my mouth, but kept stroking until the noises of pleasure died down and he released his legs. 

Just my luck, he passed out anyway. 

After a quick, noisy kiss on the cheek, I crawled off the bed to quickly rinse my mouth and get a rag wet. Despite his inexperience (though he had stated he wasn’t virginal), he was rather delightful. It was almost a pity I couldn’t give him what he really wanted. Of course, even if I could get hard, I wouldn’t. I had to be sensible, and I knew it would’ve probably been painful for him, especially doing it at this time of night. If I had, there wouldn’t have been any time for him to recover.

When I had crept back to the bed, I noticed that Fíli was stirring.

“Hello again.” I greeted, and he beamed at me, allowing me to kiss him on the lips. 

“Hmm?” He murmured. “Whiskey? Where’d you get that?”

“Innkeeper gave it to me. It’s crude, but a good way to rinse your mouth.” I explained as I began to wipe his chest (he really _was_ excited) and stomach down. “Not that it was bad, but I figured you would at least appreciate the gesture.”

“I do.” Fíli replied, practically purring as I cleaned him. His eyes focused a bit more and he frowned down the bed.

I blinked, looking myself. “What? What is it?” I asked. “Are the steps really bothering you?”

“No, no. It’s not that.” Fíli explained, going slack again. “I kinda wished you’d gotten hard, though.”

“Oh, you cheeky dwarrow.” I groaned as he chuckled. “You really want me to plow you, don’t you?”

“I can’t help it.” He grinned, wriggling his hips. “It’s such a lovely looking cock at rest. I wanted to at least see it hard.”

“Well, tell you what.” I told him when I was done and leaned over him. “Before this quest is over, hopefully way before, I can assure you that you will have had my cock in your arse at least once.”

He tugged my hair. “Promise?”

“Promise.” He kissed me. “Snuggle in, there. I’ll be right back. I figured you’d want to stay the rest of the night.”

“Did my puppy eyes give that away?”

“No. It’s the way you and your lovely brother flung yourselves at my prone form back at Bag End.” I replied as he snorted. “I do like it, though, so don’t go thinking that I-.”

But I froze, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up. I was turned away from Fíli, from the bed, and from the door, and I knew something wasn’t right. 

Someone else was here. Fíli was calm about it. And he snorted.

I grinned, hanging the towel by the basin. “Evening, Kíli.”

“How did you know I was here!?”

I snorted and looked back at the source of that cry of indignation. Kíli was indeed there, several steps behind and looking rather exasperated and adorable in his simple clothes. Clearly, ready for bed, and _clearly_ wanting to startle me. 

Fíli had doubled over on the bed in laughter, causing Kíli to send him a glare. 

“Fíli was far too quiet right.” I explained. “Are you here for services or just sleep?”

Kíli was definitely on the top of my list of blushing dwarrows. Such a sweet thing, even if he was a prankster. 

“Just sleep.” He muttered, averting his eyes.

“Okay, that’s no problem.” I chirped. “Hop in the bed, then.”

“I’d rather wait.”

“Why?” I asked, genuinely curious. “Is it because of Fíli? I thought all brothers had slept in the same bed together at least once.”

“Yes, but we’re not kids anymore.” Kíli explained. “And I’d rather spare myself the possible sight of his hairy arse.”

“Oi!” Fíli cried in faux indignation. “My arse is perfectly fine! Isn’t it, Wiel?”

“I will not deny that, but don’t get me involved.” I cut in, washing my face just a bit before patting it dry. I was fairly clean before and after I was done with Fíli, but I wanted to make sure. “Besides, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to see the private bits of anyone in your family. I highly doubt you’d want to see Thorin’s-… Kíli, are you okay?”

I had turned fully, only to see Kíli covering his eyes, blush even brighter. 

“Kili’s a bit shy.” Fíli explained, causing Kíli to sputter, but still keeping his eyes closed.

“I’m not shy! I’m just courteous!” He explained. 

“Kíli, I’m a prostitute, and have been for quite a while.” I explained. “I have absolutely no shame left whatsoever.”

“Still…” Kíli muttered. “One always averts eyes away from a naked person when they don’t have their bits.”

I rolled my eyes, for I did know Kíli was one of the other few warrior dwarrowdams in the company, but I really didn’t care. Besides, “You got a perfectly good view of my bum.”

“That’s different.” Kíli easily replied. “Everyone’s got a bum.”

I bit back a sigh. “Very well.” I said, sauntering to the bed as Fíli patted the spot next to him with a very smug look. “I’ll get in the bed, and when Fili and I are all settled, you can clamber on in yourself. Okay?”

“Okay!”

“Tell him now!” Fili hissed as I bent over to pull back the covers. “Give him a show!”

“Now, now. We’re going to play nice.” I chided lightly, scooting into the bed, keeping myself covered. Fili snuggled up into my side with a pleased sigh as soon as I was settled. “You can look now!”

Kili promptly uncovered his eyes and hurried over. However, once he lifted the sheet, his eyes promptly squeezed shut as he sidled in quickly. Once the sheet was settled again he curled around my other side, letting out a deep, relieved sigh. 

“Goodnight, you boys.” I said, easily relaxing with the relaxing warmth they each radiated. 

“Goodnight, Wiel.”

“Pleasant dreams, and don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

“There are no bed bugs, Kee.”

“Shut up, Fee.”

“You shut up.”

“Fili, I swear to Aulë that I will kick you-!” 

“You boys better go to sleep now or I will kick you _both_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep! fem!Kíli! Also, Kíli logic makes sense...-ish. Even if it's weird, he's right: Everybody DOES have a bum. 
> 
> And alas, no Durincest. I don't hate it, but don't like it, either. It's very "myeeeeh" to me. That, and I like the idea of them being close (as obvious) but not THAT close. Where they're always together, but they poke fun of each other at the same time. And Fíli wants to torture Kíli, and Kíli want's to be spared the sight of his (or in this story's case, her) brother's hairy butt.
> 
> It might be a nice butt, but plz Fee, dun moon Kee oh gawd a mooning fic there's an idea what the fuk is wrong with me?


	5. Of Bonding and Weapon Searches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Wieland converses with not just Fili, Kili, and Thorin; but with Dori as well. Yay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut in this chapter. Decided to break it up a bit. At least we get to learn some interesting things about Dori!

At dawn, Bofur was the dwarf kind enough to rise us by bursting in and throwing pillows at us, since Kíli so kindly forgot to lock the door behind him (partially my fault, since he needed a key to do that and I didn’t think of it at the time). A slow start, since both the young dwarrows wanted to stay and snuggle with me. It took prodding from Fíli before they got moving, since Kíli immediately squawked and ran out of the room when the possibility of him seeing Fíli in all his glory came to a head. Personally, I was just glad that Bofur was the one to wake us and not Thorin. It was bad enough he sent me a glare when he first saw me, I could only imagine what it would’ve been like if he did.

I imagined pain and the loss of certain important body parts. 

Still, both Fíli and Dwalin got teased and jeered at, smirking all the way (even though I’m sure Thorin would never be able to stop scowling afterwards). I figured I wouldn’t have to worry about jealously, but Dwalin would make it a point to shift around on his pony if he caught Fíli staring, as if uncomfortable. Fíli would not stop pouting until Kíli did or said something to distract him. 

“While I’m immensely flattered.” I had told Dwalin when we rode together briefly. “Must you insist on shifting like you’re in pain? Not only is Fíli getting closer to a tantrum, I’m genuinely concerned.”

Dwalin just snorted. “I’m fine, laddie.” He stated. “That, and it’s not my fault the boy’s jealous.”

“Yes, but he’s going to be gunning for my cock, now.” I told him in a low voice, causing his smirk to broaden. “I don’t mind that much, but there could be sneak attacks!”

Dwalin chuckled. “The lads will behave themselves, I’m sure.” He stated smoothly. Then he gave me a wink. “I still feel it, though.”

Ori had to be coaxed away by a flustered Dori when the scribe kept asking me why I was so red.

In the end, we only took a few short breaks for food or to get blood pumping back into our legs before finally stopping rather late into the night. I felt rather bow-legged, for I hadn’t ridden anything for that long without so few breaks in quite some time. Unfortunately, Thorin decided to give me the important job of collecting firewood. Granted, he paired me off with Nori for that job, but I was fairly sure that he was trying to punish me for “defiling his precious nephews”. Which isn’t really fair. Not even completely true.

“Look at it this way,” Nori told me as we busied ourselves. “You’ll get used to it. And he can’t make you do this every time you get close to them. You can’t do it every day.”

“True,” I replied. “But I think that would only motivate him to pick worse things for me to do instead.”

Nori hissed in sympathy. “Aye, you’ve got a point there.”

We finished gathering up the firewood in silence, and when I was done, Thorin seemed to have decided on giving me first watch as well. 

I wanted desperately to tell him where to shove it at that point (because his nephews are adults and they can decide what they want to do for themselves, and _he paid me for this, dammit_ ), but Bofur had called me so I could help dish out dinner. 

I was thankful that I wouldn’t have to give His Majesty his, because I was tempted to play clumsy and spill it. However, I had to give dinner to Dori instead.

Dori, who gave me a nasty look when he saw me at Bag End. Dori who has tried his best to keep Ori away from me. 

Dori, who I startled out of his thoughts, causing him to turn and glare right at me.

“Peace, Master Dori. I have not come to enact any of my skill sets. Merely to give you tonight’s dinner.” I stated calmly before putting the bowl next to him. Afterwards, I bowed shortly. “I shall now proceed to leave you be and remove my displeasing presence from your sight.”

It might’ve been a bit harsh, but I was in a rather foul mood at that point. If anything, I would apologize after eating my own supper.

Dori, however, had other plans.

“Wait!” He called sharply as I was walking back towards the group with my own bowl in hand, causing me to freeze. I turned to him, and he looked rather guilty. “I don’t… I don’t find you _displeasing_ …”

“Could’ve fooled me…” I stated, turning fully. “No offense…”

“No, no. I know I…” Dori said before sighing. “It’s just that Ori is such an impressionable-.”

“Adult?”

Dori sent me a look, but I just shrugged, walking over.

“He is, though. Older than Fíli and Kíli. Old enough that you allowed him to accompany you guys on this journey.” I explained before finally sitting down next to him, making sure he had picked up his bowl. “You need to give the poor kid some breathing room if you want him to grow up as a respectable dwarrow.”

Dori gave me a look. “I mean no offense, Mister Wiel,” He stated darkly. “But are you sure you speak from given advice? Or personal experience?”

I gave him a cheeky grin. “My parents coddled me.”

Dori sputtered at that, and I let out an attractive-sounding snort. “Well, they had to! Their only son was going to be trained to kill people! Assassination is basically murder that pays well. They knew how that could mess a kid up, so they coddled me. Tried to protect me as much as they could.” I explained. “But you know, Master Dori? It’s not necessarily what family does to you. It’s circumstance. And I’m not telling you how to raise your youngest brother, mind, but-.”

“No, no…” Dori cut off before looking at me. “You’re right. He genuinely wishes to talk to you and hear about your tale. Maybe not the… you know…”

“All the sex?”

“Yes, yes!” Dori snapped. “But… other things… like your label ‘Lord of the Night’.”

“That comes from sex, you know.” I explained. 

“You also said it was your assassin’s name.” I shrugged at him.

“It’s both.” I explained. “Really, that title came to fruition after I got my collar and I still got some hits.”

Dori hummed then, digging at his stew. “I won’t stop fretting over him.” I nodded. “And I won’t stop worrying.” Another nod. “Nor will I stop trying to protect him! He’s my baby brother, after all. I practically raised him, with Nori’s help o’ course. I only want what’s best for him.”

“That’s completely understandable.” I explained. “And I really don’t have any issues with how you take care of him. I’m just glad to hear you don’t hate me.”

Dori scoffed. “How can I hate you when I don’t know you?” He asked and I gave him a look. “Well, men were always, in my opinion, absolutely ridiculous in that regard! Treating someone willing to open themselves up so you can do what you will for just some money so they can actually survive as lower than dirt! It’s insulting!”

I blinked, eyebrows raised high. I had no idea that Dori would be some bizarre advocate for prostitution rights. “Well… erm, yes. Yes, I agree.” I muttered. “Thank you.”

Dori just nodded, and for a while we ate in companionable silence. It was broken when he revealed something rather astonishing to me. “You know, I was going to be a prostitute myself once.”

I choked on a piece of meat at that, eyes watering as he seemed rather amused by my reaction. 

“Is that so surprising? Ah, well.” He jeered, smiling. “I guess that’s understandable.”

“No offense, but it’s just hard to picture!” I choked out. “You being… well, you.”

“I’ll have you know, Mister Wiel.” Dori chided. “I was once considered a very attractive dwarrow.”

“I wasn’t saying that you weren’t!” I cut in quickly. “I meant that… what with how you treat Ori… and Nori…!”

Dori shrugged. “I was young, my mother was having a hard time taking care of Nori and I, since this was before little Ori was born, so I wanted to help in any way I could.” He explained. “I was getting ready to have my teacher braid my hair in the traditional way, but then I got a job as a merchant instead!”

“That’s good! That never happened to me.” I replied. “So… you went through all the training?”

Dori smirked in a bizarre, mischievous way. “Oh, yes.”

I couldn’t help it, but I was curious. “Did your teacher ever make you do bizarre things that had absolutely _nothing_ to do with-.”

Dori barked a laugh. “Oh, aye!” He jeered. “I had to tie the stems of fruit solely with my tongue.”

“Oh, please! Child’s play!” I jeered. “I did that, and I had to crush nuts between my thighs!”

“So did I!” He replied. “I never understood why, though.”

“I really thought it was just for self-defense…” I commented, causing him to giggle. _Giggle_. It was fact now: old dwarrows are adorable. “What about the spoon trick?”

“Spoon-? Oh! Oh, yes! I think I can still do it too!”

So when Ori walked over to see what was going on, he saw both Dori and I with spoons balanced on our tongues. Instead of freaking out about him seeing, Dori just laughed it off, and then even proceeded to teach Ori how to do it.

I just made sure that I was a good model for the younger dwarrow as Dori used me as a prime example for perfect tongue muscle control.

I’m sure Ori knew that it wasn’t necessarily innocent, but we all had fun, nonetheless.

**xxx**

“Kíli?”

“Hmm…?”

“Why are you playing with my hair?”

It was rather late, and we were all in that strange in-between stage of wakefulness and sleep. We were gathered as close to the fire as possible, and this night, it seemed that Fíli and Kíli wanted me all to themselves. Rather, Kíli did, but Fíli just seemed to enjoy my presence and was currently trying to find all the weapons I had hidden on my person. He seemed genuinely surprised, considering my outfit. While it was not revealing, it was form-fitting and more decorative than it was genuinely practical. Sure, I could still fight in it, but I did have more laces in my trousers than necessary, along with some extra embellishments. He had found five so far. He was missing three more. 

Kíli had just shrugged at my question. “Just having a feel, really.” He murmured. “Do you mind that much?”

“No.” I responded, resisting the urge to hum as his rough fingers massaged my scalp. “Just wondering why you seem so fascinated.”

“Well… It’s so soft…” Kíli murmured, sounding genuinely surprised. “And it feels so _thin_.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s fragile.” I commented, though wincing when Kili’s fingers met a snag. “Trust me, if it was, I’d be bald with all the hair pulling I’d gone through.”

Fíli snorted around my feet and I wriggled them in response. “How many have you got left, then?”

“Still looking for the sixth.” Fíli said, lifting one foot for inspection. “Honestly, I think you’re lying! There’s no way you have three more on you! I’ve looked everywhere else!”

Kíli and I exchanged a look before I lifted my head to look at Fíli. “Want me to give you a hint?”

“No!” Fíli snapped back quickly, and I bit back a giggle when he began to shake my foot. “… Okay, yes. But just a small one!”

“Just give a good _squeeze_ \- No! Not there!” I snapped as Fíli, with a broad grin on his face, crept his hand close to my crotch. “I meant my foot!”

Fíli frowned a bit at that before grabbing one of my feet by the sides and pressing down along the soles. I bit my lip when he finally found the right spot and, lo, a small, sharp blade popped out of my boot-covered foot. 

Fíli jumped, for it surprised him, but then he beamed, obviously proud of himself. “Found the sixth!” He crowed. “Is there another in the other foot?”

“Indeed.” I replied, nodding solemnly, even as Kíli tugged at my hair to keep me still. “You have one more to go.”

Fíli hummed, determination clear on his face as he pawed at my boots some more.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Kíli asked, combing hair from my face and looking down at me. He really did have lovely eyes, now that I saw them closely. “He’ll be at it all night if you don’t.”

“If he doesn’t work it out by the time we’re all meant to go to bed, I’ll tell him.” I replied easily, rather enjoying the attention my ankles were getting.

“What are you lot doing?”

We all looked up at Dwalin, who was staring at us with an intense look. He noticed my bladed foot, the pile of weapons by Fili’s side, and quirked an eyebrow.

“Fili’s trying to find all the weapons I keep on my person at all times so I’m never unarmed.” I explained. “He’s found all but one.”

“Oh really?” Dwalin asked, genuinely curious. “What kind is it?”

“Oh, you’ve seen it before.” I replied, biting back a grin. “It’s quite an impressive weapon, if I do say so myself.”

Confusion warred in his features before Dwalin smirked. “Oh, I think I know what it is.”

“Don’t!” Fíli snapped, shaking my foot again as I bit back a giggle. “Don’t say it! I want to find it myself!”

Dwalin just chuckled. “Lad, you’ve seen it before.” He remarked, causing Fíli to freeze, eyes widening. “And I agree. It really is an impressive hammer.”

Fíli gawked at me and I sniggered, biting my lip to prevent myself from laughing. Kili’s hands dropped out of my hair before he gave a great big snort. Then, all hell broke loose. 

“You _cheater_!” Fili cried, pouncing onto me. “You absolute cheater! That should not count!”

“It certainly does!” I cried back as he tried to find any part of me that was ticklish.

“Your _cock_ is not a weapon!”

“It can be! Many people have said it killed them! Others have said it was _magical_!”

“Will you three pipe it down!?” Dori cried. “Ori’s right here!”

“Dori!” Ori whined, obviously embarrassed.

“I just want you both to get off me!” Kili cried back. “You’re all too heavy!”

I had tried to comply with Kili’s request, but Fili was preventing me from doing so, as he continued press fingers into different areas of my body, particularly along my sides. He did eventually find one spot right below my armpits that caused me to squawk, which caused Kili to fall over with laughter. Fili kept going, and I myself tried to wrestle him around so I could get at him. Everyone else seemed quite fine with just watching, all except for those who were already dozing at least. Even Bilbo had wandered back from visiting with the ponies to laugh at our display.

But then we heard the screams.

Actually, it was more like a screech if anything. I had only heard such a noise once before, and my blood had gone as cold as it was at that moment. When I heard it then, I immediately ran in the opposite direction. I had to fight the urge to do the same that night.

We all froze at that dreadful noise, and I felt strangely powerless with all my weapons strewn about near Fili’s feet. Despite the stillness, it seemed the only ones marginally concerned (or even terrified) was Bilbo and myself. 

“What was that?” He asked.

“Orcs.” Kili replied from somewhere near my head as Fili looked at him from where he was sprawled on top of me.

“Orcs?” Bilbo parroted, and if anything, he sounded even _more_ terrified.

“Throat-cutters is another name for them.” Fili stated, twisting his head so his words didn’t disappear in my chest. “There’s dozens of them out there. Lowlands are crawling with them.”

“They strike in the wee small hours, when everyone’s asleep.” Kili cut in as I felt him shift a bit. “Quick and quiet; no screams, just lots of blood.”

That was in no way helping Bilbo. The poor hobbit had looked quite terrified, and maybe even a little sick, by the time he turned away.

Then I heard it. Laughing.

Oh, those cheeky little…!

I smacked them both, causing them to hiss in mock-pain, because I _know_ I didn’t really hurt them. They sent me confused, hurt looks and I glared at them both the best I could.

“That’s not funny.” I told them darkly. 

Kili looked a little ashamed and mumbled an apology, but Fili didn’t seem that inclined.

“Oh, come-.”

“He’s right.”

We all paused to look up at Thorin, seeing him stare down at us with a hard, disapproving stare.

“Night raids by orcs are not funny.” He explained. “Yet you talk of them as if they were a simple joke!”

“We didn’t mean anything by it.” Kili replied earnestly. 

“No, you didn’t. You know nothing of the world.” Ouch. “Wieland.”

“Y-Yes, Master Thorin?” I asked, immediately shuffling to sit up.

“With me.” He responded in a clipped tone, and I knew I was quite possibly in worse trouble than the boys were at that moment.

They sent me looks of sympathy as Fili got off me and I pushed myself up. I followed Thorin to where he stood at the edge of a cliff, where I moved to stand next to him, looking down as he stared out towards the horizon.

“You wished to speak with me?” I asked. “About your nephews, I assume.”

“Yes, I did.” He replied, looking at me. “I do not mind that you grow close to them, nor anyone on this quest. I wish, however, that you keep in mind that they are barely of age. Just old enough to join me on this quest, mind. Yet despite their age, they are very young at heart.”

“I will not hurt them.” I answered, seeing his lips thin. “That is the last thing I ever wish to do. I know my job, and my place. I promise you that I will not overstep my bounds.”

“See that you don’t.” He muttered, looking back out and twisting his neck a bit. It must’ve been annoying to have to look up at me in such an angle. I was tall, only a hair shorter than Gandalf, so while it probably wasn’t uncommon, it must’ve bothered him. “I also hope that I don’t have to tell you that becoming too attached to them would-.”

“Don’t.” I cut in harshly, causing him to glare at me. “I mean no offense, but in my line of work, I’ve learned long ago not to let that happen.”

Thorin seemed strangely thoughtful at that. “I take it you have experience…”

“Oh, I was almost killed because of it.” I replied. “I know I seem young. Heck, I’m the youngest in your company, technically. However, I am an adult. I’m the Lord of the Night, an assassin and a whore. Such attachments are folly.”

“They are for many.” He remarked quietly, and I sent him a curious look. 

“Do you also have experience, then?” I asked. 

“Not in those terms, no.” He explained, flicking his eyes towards the company. “Not yet, anyway.”

I adjusted my stance so I could question him further while looking at him full on, but I was distracted when I heard Balin’s words.

“…Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs lead by the most vile of all their race: Azog, the Defiler. The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin...”

“What’s he talking about?” I asked softly as I half-paid attention to Balin as he spoke to the group.

“The Battle of Azanulbizar.” Thorin explained. “When we went to reclaim Moria, and of my victory against the pale orc, Azog.”

“Was it successful?” I inquired softly, but he shook his head.

“There were far too many, and many of us had perished.” Thorin explained. “I had lost my grandfather, and my father shortly thereafter when he was driven mad with grief. However…”

Thorin then hefted his shield, a wooden thing that covered his arm. “It was when I got this. My oaken shield.”

“Oakenshield… Good one.” I remarked, immediately regretting it afterwards. “Sorry.”

“No, no. You are right. That is where I got it from.” He explained. “It was when I avenged my family. It was with the aid of this that I cut that orc’s arm clean off.”

“But the pale orc?” I heard Bilbo ask Balin. “What happened to him?”

Thorin then turned to the company, who were all staring. “He slunk back in that hole from whence he came.” He stated darkly. “That _filth_ died of his wounds ages ago.”

I wanted to comment that, while cutting someone’s arm off is very efficient if you want to insure their flight. However, that would do nothing to insure their death. But I did not know for certain if such a creature could survive like that, nor if they could live for as long as it had been since that battle. 

At that moment, I was just fighting the urge to run away as the entire company stared at Thorin, the dwarf king that I was currently standing next to.

Thorin merely turned back around. “I beg you to keep what we discussed secret.” He explained. “I do not wish to cause problems with my nephews.”

“Very well, though it wasn’t like we discussed anything too controversial.” I replied. “Not like we talked about you taking advantage of my services anytime soon.”

For I doubted he ever would. Although, after I said that, I noticed he had stiffened slightly. 

“Do you…?” I asked lightly. 

He glanced at me, giving me a once over with his eyes. “We will see.” A maybe from His Majesty! Quite a big step from what I previously assumed. “You’re dismissed.”

“As you wish!” I stated, making quite a flourish with my arms as I bowed. Thorin, in response, decided to keep on surprising me with an upward quirk of his lips.

It seems I can get on his good side after all.


	6. Grass Stains and Being in the Lurch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be stretching the timeline just a bit, but I do have my reasons, as smutty as they are. 
> 
> Anyway, onwards to a long chapter in which Bofur gets some. Yay, Bofur!

Many people have fantasies about bathing in rivers with men. Diving into the pristine water that feels refreshing and exhilarating. Watching men with rippling muscle and more body hair than you can shake a stick at splashing and frolicking. Water drops rolling down hard planes, dripping along flaccid phalluses.

I can freely reveal that reality is quite different from fantasy.

For one, when you come across somewhere to bathe when you haven’t in quite a while, you’re more focused on washing dirt and grime off your body rather than handsome dwarrows or the odd handsome hobbit. Said water is frigid and you’re trying to relax and wash up quick all that the same time. That, and while I will freely admit that I like both men and women equally, flaccid cocks are not that lovely. They’re ridiculous at standstill, but flopping around between one’s legs makes them even moreso. All this, and then add shrinkage.

Even I found my own flaccidness funny-looking, but I paid it no mind as I rushed to get clean whilst some tried to get me in on their rough housing. I was pounced on and splashed at. Nori even tried to dunk me despite the height differences. 

Despite the delays, I cleaned myself and my clothes before rushing out of the water to lay both myself and my wears out in the sun. I had found a secluded area to do so, and I relished the heat as I spread myself out on the grass, snickering as I continued to hear the shouts and laughter from the company. 

After having a few moments to warm up and dry, I heard footsteps in the grass heading in my direction. I opened an eye and had to fight back a laugh at seeing Bofur, naked save for his hat.

“Greetings, Bofur.” I greeted cheerily, trying to stave off my giggles.

“Greetings, oh fair son of man!” Bofur greeted with a flourish, and I giggled anyway. Damn adorable dwarrows and their penchant for funny hats. “I was wondering if that spot was taken.”

“Oh, no. Not at all.” I replied, patting a spot next to me on the grass. “Come sit. Get warm.”

“Thank you kindly.” Bofur said as immediately sat down and spread himself out. He was fairly close, but that wasn’t a problem. Far from it. 

Although, I couldn’t fight off the question for long. “Do you always keep your hat on?”

“Not always. I did take it off to wash and groom my hair. See?” He stated, shaking his slightly droopy braids, causing water droplets to spray on my face. He laughed at my fussing. “Ah, but I always make sure to put it on right away. It’s precious to me, and I don’t want to risk losing it.”

“I can understand that.” I replied, wiping my chest off of stray water. I noted that he followed my hand movements. “Is there something on your mind?” 

“Ah, well…” Bofur muttered as he rolled onto his side, hovering over me slightly. “I was just wondering if you were only around to…. Offer your services to the royals.”

“Oh, absolutely not!” I remarked quickly. “My services are open to everyone in the company. Those who wish for them, anyway. You know, those who aren’t married.”

“Ah, so Bombur’s right off the list.” 

Really? ”Bombur’s married?”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Is it that surprising?”

“No! No, I just didn’t know!” I answered. “We never really conversed. Usually, when we sit together, he’s more focused on food.”

Bofur laughed. “Ah, yeah. Well, that’s my brother for you.” He replied. “But yes, I’m a brother-in-law… and an uncle.”

“Good on you both!” I cheered. “To how many?”

“Ten.” Holy…

“I thought children were a rarity amongst you.”

“They are.” Bofur nodded. “My brother’s lucky, though.”

“I can tell.” I remarked, scooting closer. “But I highly doubt that you just came here to talk about your nieces and nephews when you first mentioned my services.”

“Aye, I didn’t.” He remarked, hand hovering over my chest. “Is it… are you…?”

I grabbed his hand and pushed it against my chest. “I’m at your service.”

Bofur grinned and me, and I hummed as he began to freely stroke my chest and stomach. He had miner’s hands, a hair on the rough side, and the texture on my skin sent warmth pouring down my spine. That coupled with his body just shy of pressing completely against me, and I felt myself stir despite the earlier freezing bath.

“What would you like to do?” I finally asked, hoping no one else from the company would come looking for us.

“We have time. The others are quite busy with their own grooming habits.” Bofur stated, reading my mind. He also seemed to be delaying his answer. “I just…”

“Go on…” I urged, but he just bit his lip.

“You’ll think I’m strange.”

“Bofur, unless it has something to do with wood or animals, I won’t.” I told him firmly, rolling onto my own side and feeling his hand drift close to my hip. “Tell me.”

“Well…” He stated slowly. “I… you might not have noticed, but I quite like your…”

“Arse?” I supplied with a grin. “I figured, since you commented on it the first night of our acquaintance. Said I had the buns for something.”

Bofur snorted. “Aye, I did.” He told me. “Well, I was hoping I could… well, worship’s a strong word, but…”

If arousal were a physical thing, it would’ve literally punched me in the gut. “Really?” I told him. “That’s it?”

“I told you, it’s weird.”

“No, no, it’s not _weird_.” I assured him. “Just… you don’t just want to fuck it? Spank it, even?”

“You don’t want me to?”

“I’m not saying that. I can’t think of anything better. I just…” I cut myself off with a confused sigh. “It just seems that I’d find that more pleasurable than you would, servicing my bum.”

“Oh, trust me.” He breathed with a grin, dimples and all. “There would be nothing better. Believe me.”

I bit my lip, trying not to give my own excitement away. I never had a client who just wanted to service me like Bofur did. “Well, far be it from me to refuse a client.” I told him, kissing one of his lovely dimples. “How do you want me?”

“On your stomach, if you please.”

I didn’t hesitate on rolling over, even if it was away from Bofur. He followed, stroking up and down my back and causing me to sigh happily. Said happiness died a little when I felt him swiping at my backside.

“Oh, dear.” I muttered. “Please tell me I’m not green.”

He laughed, squeezing my cheeks. “No, lad.” He remarked. “Just a few blades. Don’t worry.”

I felt relieved, and barely had time to make a mental note on laying my coat out before I attempted to lay out on the grass again before Bofur spread himself out on my back. I hummed, feeling his cock nestled between my buttocks, half hard already, and his gentle kisses being placed on what skin he could reach. I bit my lip to fight a grin as I clenched around him, hearing him grunt and jumping when he nipped at a shoulder blade in response.

“Cheeky.” He murmured, grinding himself against me as I arched my own hips up. “Do you _want_ me to fuck you?”

The idea was appealing, as I’ve never bottomed much in my line of work (my clientele wished for something different) and I certainly never bottomed for a dwarf before. However, I really just wanted to see where he’d take this bum worshipping. 

“I want you to do whatever you want.” I murmured, feeling my body respond as he started shuffling lower. “But I shall inform you that, if you wish, such an option is open for you.”

“I’ll be sure to remember that.” He stated into the small of my back, and I shivered as I felt his hands return to my buttocks, spreading me open. I felt quite exposed in such a position, but his bodily presence didn’t bring the chill I was expecting. “I’m sure it would be lovely.”

“Really?”

“Oh yes. You have the perfect arse for it.” He replied, and I jumped when he nipped at one cheek. “Very round and plump. Like a ripe fruit.”

“I didn’t think it was that big-!” I remarked, jumping as I felt him continue his nipping. “Oh, I mean, I know it was nice, but- _oh!_ \- not quite _that_ nice.”

He was practically suckling my cheeks now, which was a peculiar sensation all on its own, and I wasn’t quite sure if I liked it. However, he was moving closer to my open cleft and one of his thumbs was rubbing my entrance. 

“Oh yes.” He stated, and I felt his breath join his thumb. “It’s that nice. Could stay here for a long time.”

“Ooooh, maybe not that.” I murmured, rolling my hips as my prick, almost completely hard, was tickled by the grass underneath. It seemed that all dwarrows were able to get a well-worked man like myself hard in a manner of seconds without even trying. “We do have a quest, after all. Someone will want to make sure we’re alright. Not sure they want to see you with your head near my-!”

I gasped, then, feeling a long swipe of a slippery tongue from my balls right up to my entrance. Apparently, when Bofur said “worship”, he meant with his tongue. 

I was quite glad that I was rather meticulous with my grooming.

He licked and suckled at my entrance, which was already an exhilarating sensation, but he maneuvered one hand so his thumb could brush up against the skin underneath. That sensitive patch of skin that caused my skin to shiver and goose up.

I bit down on my arm, trying my best to keep quiet and resist the urge to push back as I felt his tongue slip in. A slick, slippery motion that had my toes curling and back arching. It would never be able to reach a place that always made such things better, but it still felt amazing. The noises I made against my arm were garbled as he encouraged me to lift my hips and push back, one rough hand pressing my prick against my stomach and stroking. 

It was a rare and wondrous experience that was going to make me come faster than what I felt comfortable with.

Instead, Bofur pulled away and spread himself on my back, pecking at my shoulders. I was half tempted to demand he return back down below, but I felt his length pressed against my back, as slick and hard as I was.

“I know I wasn’t asking, but…” He breathed. “When… when you said I could fuck…”

“Yes, that’s fine, that’s absolutely fine.” I panted, spreading my legs a little. “Got some slick in my trouser pocket somewhere. Put it back after I was done washing them.”

My back felt quite cold as Bofur got off me and went digging. I took the time to take deep breaths, gathering myself so I wasn’t as harried as I was.

“Found it!” I heard Bofur cry out. “Although… it’s quite a hefty bottle.”

I looked at him, seeing his hand enclose on the oil from my trousers. Indeed, one usually travels with smaller vials on their person. However…

“Considering my line of work and the size of my cock, I think it’s a decent size.” I replied, causing him to chuckle. “Don’t you?” 

“Aye, I do.” He replied walking over and kneeling between my legs. 

“Just put some on yours and pop it in.” I told him, wriggling myself a little. 

“I don’t want to hurt you…”

“I’m no blushing virgin.” I chided lightly. “And despite this being a rare occurrence, I have done it before with hardly any prep. As long as you give me some time to relax, I’ll be fine.”

“Very well,” He remarked, and I bit my lip as I felt him hover. “But if you feel anything wrong, just say the word.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I replied, even though it was unlikely, and I bit my lip as I felt slippery flesh against my entrance. Flesh much different than a tongue or finger. I groaned in my arm as he slowly pushed in, hearing his own muffled noises as me moved to seat himself inside me. Once I felt his hairy eggs on my arse, I gasped in shock. For it was becoming clear that dwarrows, though small in length, were making up for it in girth. Bofur’s, if anything, was doing most of the work.

“Bofur!” I panted when I could finally speak.

“Yeah, I know.” He grunted back, and I bit back the most embarrassing noise when he rolled his hips. “I’m a bit wide. Do you want me to-?”

“No, no!” I hissed, pushing my hips back when he tried to move out. “No, it’s fine. _More_ than fine, believe me. You… You’re right on it…! On everything! It’s…!”

“Have I made you tongue tied?” He asked, and I could hear the grin in his voice.

I let out my own breathless laughter and rolled my hips in return, feeling sparks race up my spine and down my thighs. “Just go ahead and fuck me like you want.”

He laughed, pulling out a bit and thrusting back in, bouncing me with the force as I bared my teeth into my arm again. “That’s more like it!”

The pace he set wasn’t fast, but it was just hard enough, and _deep_ , enough, that it sent me shouting against my skin. He was quite good with it, rolling his hips, pushing and pulling; all of it landing either right on target, or grazing it enough to make me feel like I was going mad. The fact that his length was quite possibly one of the widest I’ve ever encountered just made me spread my legs, tilt my hips, and push back as best as I could. 

I held on for as long as I could, but when I came, it blindsided me. Bofur was grunting out encouragements as I sobbed into my arm, and he stroked a rough hand down my belly to my own girth. Just before he could reach it, my vision whited out as I felt it throughout my entire body, as if my whole being was convulsing and twitching as I felt myself release onto the grass below. Bofur groaned like he was dying and I hissed when he emptied himself inside me, my nerves over stimulated.

We collapsed in a heap of satiation not long afterwards, and I felt Bofur’s hot breath bursting against my back, feeling his spent member still twitch inside me. 

“Well, I feel thoroughly worshipped.” I finally murmured, causing him to break out in laughter, and I swiftly followed suit. Eventually, he eased out of me and flopped onto his back next to me. I groaned, feeling myself twitch as I tried to adjust to being empty once again, feeling his release dribble out of me. 

“I have to agree with Dwalin.” Bofur finally stated. “You did pass with flying colors.”

I snorted. “You’re all going to say that once you fuck me, aren’t you?”

“Perhaps.” He laughed out, and I whined when he shoved at my shoulder. “You might want to roll over, lad. You’ll be glued to the ground if you don’t.”

He had a point, I admitted, and I finally flopped onto my back with a deep sigh. The breeze felt particularly cold against my stomach and I glanced at it with a frown, seeing that my release had acted as a glue and caused many blades of grass to plaster themselves onto me.

“Oh, that’s a fantastic sight.” I remarked causing Bofur to laugh again.

“You’ve also got some fairly impressive grass stains!”

“Oh, gods…” I groaned out. “This. This is why I hate having sex outdoors. Much messier than normal.”

“Well, come on lad.” He laughed as he stood on wobbly legs. “I think everyone’s gone off, now. Let’s wash up quick before anyone comes for us.”

I hummed my affirmation as I stood, feeling boneless and loose all over. Bofur urged me on ahead, and I felt his eyes again.

“You’re staring.”

“I can’t help it.” Bofur remarked. “You’re quite the fetching sight.”

“Oh, yes.” I replied with a grin. “Completely dirty and disheveled, covered in grass stains and spunk. Absolutely fetching.”

Another breeze past by and I fought the urge to wipe at myself. “Not to mention that your stuff is dribbling out.”

“Aye, and it’s a lovely sight.” Bofur remarked, and I jumped when I felt his hand clasp my bum. “We’ll just be quick and be on our way.”

We weren’t necessarily quick, as Bofur decided that he wanted to pinch and slap my bum some more, and I had to retaliate. Then I had to remember where my clothes were. 

Still, despite the playfulness of that time, it didn't change my opinion on those fantasies of bathing men.

**xxx**

When I went to bed that night, I was not in the best of moods. 

After Bofur and I got back, we ate lunch and rested. Well, most of the company rested. Dwalin dragged me off to ride me like he had done once before, except this time he rode my face. He didn’t bother with my own arousal, stating that I’d be ready for the next. If they came.

They didn’t until we stopped that evening, when Nori cornered me when we were collecting firewood. His was a simple request, which was for me to take him in my mouth. He originally wanted me to kneel while he stood, but logistics weren’t in our favor, so we wound up sprawled on the forest floor. Nori at least wanted to repay me, but by then Thorin was barking at us to hurry up.

By bedtime, I was quite in the lurch and none too pleased. I was just thankful that I didn’t have watch. Fili, however, did. And the moment his turn was over, he had sidled up with me, forgoing his bedroll for now to tuck as close to my side as possible. 

“Evening.” I murmured into the mound of hair that was currently trying to work into my mouth.

“I think it’s closer to morning, actually.” Fili purred, already humping my stomach. “I don’t want to be a bother, but if you could…”

I had already resigned myself to being completely unsatisfied, and I could never refuse to take care of one of my personal favorite dwarrows. I shifted a bit to more easily palm his hardness, slipping into his trousers and working him into a whimpering mess.

Just as I was about to reach around to press a finger to his entrance to hopefully finish him off, he gasped, slamming a hand into my chest and causing me to grunt in pain. “Wait!”

“What?” I grunted, chest now achy. 

The only answer I got was Fili’s frantic hands moving straight to my crotch, which he gripped and palmed. I hissed at the sensation, knowing that the combination of taking care of Fili and what went on throughout the day had gotten me particularly worked up. 

“ _Yes_!” Fili hissed excitedly. “You’re hard!”

“O’course I am.” I slurred, his grip firm and warm. “Not going to fuck you now, though.”

“I know, I know.” Fili replied. “But I do want it in me.”

I opened my eyes to see his eyes gleam, and the bastard had the gall to lick his lips. 

“Don’t you want-?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll go top to tail.” Fili remarked quickly, already shuffling for it. “I know you probably won’t reach, but I can just hump your chest if anything.”

“Sounds thrilling.”

“It will be.” He replied whilst shoving up my tunic. “You can finger me too, if you want.”

“Anything to help you along.” I replied, already grabbing the oil. “Even with this.”

“That’s a hefty bottle.” Fili remarked, and then hummed as I spread some along his cock.

“It’s needed.” I replied, fastening the cork back on after liberally coating my fingers. “You want any?”

“My spit shall be slick enough.” He crowed, causing me to snort, even as he straddled my chest and ducked under the covers. I felt a spike of excitement as I felt him quickly untie my breeches, and I moved the covering so his bare bum wasn’t out in the air for the company to see. 

“Just be careful.” I told him, biting back a groan of relief as I felt my hardness escape into Fili’s clutches. 

“Oh…” I heard and felt him purr against me. “I was right. It _is_ lovely.”

“How can you-?” I started, but my breath left me as I felt him go right at it, wrapping his lips around the head and licking before suckling lightly. I bit back a groan, already enjoying myself far too much, and I jumped as he hummed against me. Belatedly, I realized it was out of the satisfaction garnered from me absently kneading his cheeks with my slick hands as he slowly rolled his hips against me. 

As I saw the blankets shift as he bobbed his head, I know I needed to get to my own task and quickly. As I felt his hands join his mouth, rubbing and fondling, I spread his cheeks and rubbed a finger against his twitching entrance. I bit my lip as he whined around me, and I felt my eyes widen as he sucked my finger in greedily. I pumped my finger, enjoying the feeling of his entrance clenching around me as he rubbed himself harder against me. He was sucking with a toe-curling relish when I finally got two inside. He outright sobbed when I finally pressed against that nut-shaped nub inside of him, rubbing my thumb against the skin underneath his entrance. 

I was working his arse with a relish as he thrust quickly against me, chest and stomach wet. He was a mess, but I was no better. My legs were spread wide and knees were bent slightly as he feasted on me with his mouth and his fingers drifted to my own sensitive patch of skin. With all that happened that day, there would be no way I would outlast him. As I felt the tendrils of heat narrow into focus, I gasped, trying to tug Fili away.

“FilI! Fili, I’m gonna-! If you want, you- _Fili_!” I hissed in warning, but he strengthened the suction as I came with a loud grunt through gritted teeth. The loud groan he emitted as he swallowed me down was felt through my entire spine, and I barely noted how he was clenching around my fingers and spending himself against our bellies.

I panted, easing my fingers out of his still-spasming bum as he rolled off of me a flop. I fumbled for the rag I always kept nearby, and proceeded to wipe myself off before moving to clean Fili. He groaned against my thigh as I did so, not helping in the slightest as I finished up and tucked him away. 

“You’ll want to get out of there.” I told him soothingly. “So you don’t suffocate.”

He grunted in affirmation and I snorted at him, even as I felt him tuck me away. He didn’t lace me back up, which didn’t bother me, and eventually wormed himself around so he was resting his head against my shoulder. His hair was a mess, his lips swollen, and his face was flushed. He was definitely a lovely sight, especially as he grinned in a satisfied matter.

“Thank you.” He murmured.

“Welcome.” I replied, stroking his arm. “Is Kili going to join us?”

“He’s got watch after me, so not for a while yet.” He informed, and I nodded slowly, feeling myself becoming drowsy. 

“I actually wanted to talk to you about him.” He murmured after a while.

“Hmm?” I hummed. “You mean Kili?”

He nodded against me. “What about?”

He let out a deep breath. “He’s interested.” He told me, and I woke up a bit more at that. “In your services, I mean. He’s just… nervous about it.”

“Isn’t he shy?”

“Not just that.” Fili replied as he shifted against me. “You… might’ve noticed that he doesn’t have a beard.”

“I figured it was because he’s still on the young side.” I replied, and I blinked when he shook his head. “No?”

“He shaves when he can. Something rather controversial amongst my people.” He informed me. “It’s because he’s an archer, yes, but many don’t find him… appealing for that. Among other things.”

“What other things?”

“He’s got a tiny nose.” I like that tiny nose. “His ears aren’t really big.” I think they’re quite big. And lovely. “And he’s generally seen as… odd. Unattractive. He’s been called ugly many times.”

I felt anger roil in my gut as I narrowed my eyes at the sky above me. I thought Kili was, frankly, as lovely and adorable as his brother. Of course, I wasn’t a dwarf. A dwarf who valued beards and axes, along with big noses and everything else. 

“It would be fine for him if he was… well, you know.” He continued, unaware of my anger for his younger brother. “Many woman of your kind have found him appealing, but he doesn’t have the parts. He’s… not very attractive to anyone, really.”

“I think he’s lovely.” I told him, looking at him as he grinned at me.

“I know.” He told me. “Like how you find me lovely.”

“Indeed.” I told him, ticking his side as he squirmed. “So, are you asking me for him?”

“I’m just asking you to be slow with him.” He told me. “He doesn’t have much in experience, but he wants to with you. He’ll get nervous and think you don’t want to touch him if you’re not careful. I ask that you be good to him for me, okay?”

“Don’t worry.” I told him. “I will.”

“Good.”

With that, we went to sleep, even though I was partially curious as to why he’d bring up such a conversation. I figured that Kili would eventually work up the nerve and approach me if he wanted, but I also figured that I had a while to wait.

I found out the next morning that I didn’t, for as I was packing up, I saw Kili approach Oin, fidgety and fumbling, and the old dwarf sent him a look before handing him a cup of something hot.

I couldn’t help but stare at him as he looked down at the beverage he obtained, and I suspected that it was something that Dwalin himself had consumed before.

My suspicions were confirmed when he locked eyes with me, and a determined look came across his face before he swallowed it down, cringing all the while.

It appeared that I would soon be approached by a dwarrowdam once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Kili find time to partake in Wieland's services? Or will three large trolls get in the way?
> 
> Also, when will Thorin ever tap that?
> 
> Questions shall be answered eventually.


	7. Of Kíli and Concerns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ori tells Wieland of a concern he has, and Kíli finally works up the nerve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut in this chapter, but you can probably tell it's coming.

When we were riding, I managed to get my horse next to Bilbo and Ori’s ponies. I was half tempted on riding with Kili, who kept looking back at me from time to time, but Bilbo and Ori were discussing the Shire. Well, Ori was asking a seemingly endless amount of questions about Bilbo’s home, and the hobbit seemed quite fine with answering all of them. I was curious myself, and wanted to hear what Bilbo had to say. It really was a lovely-looking place when I was there, and I wanted to know if it was all just a cover up or not.

Eventually, however, the conversation made an interesting turn.

“Does the Shire have anyone in a similar line of work as Master Wiel?”

I bit back a laugh as Bilbo covered a choking sound with a cough.

“Um… N-No.” Bilbo eventually replied. “There’s… there’s not a lot of need for… for assassins, I’m afraid.”

Ori sent Bilbo a surprisingly bland look. “No offense, Mister Baggins,” He stated. “But… But I meant his… other line of work.”

This time, I snorted as Bilbo’s ears turned pink. Ori himself looked like he was fighting a smile all his own.

“Erm…” Bilbo muttered uneasily. “Are you sure that you’re supposed… I mean, Dori-.”

“I know how my brother treats me, but I am assuredly not a child.” Ori chided. “And I may not be as adventurous as my other brother, but I know of things that would make Dori _cringe_.”

I knew it. “Well, Bilbo?” I asked teasingly as he sent me a glare. “Are there?”

“Not in the Shire.” He replied quickly. “However… in Bree… there might be… one or two…”

“Personal experience?” I asked, hearing Ori smother a giggle.

He just sputtered. “Absolutely not!” He replied indignantly. “Besides… they’re all women…”

It clicked for me then. “I see…” I replied. “Now we know which way Bilbo Baggins’s wind blows…”

He sent me a dark look, but I raised a placating hand. “I don’t judge, just stating the obvious.” I replied. “I’ve always found myself rather fluid in my preferences. It never mattered to me. It has always made my job easier, that way.”

“And you shouldn’t worry about us, Mister Baggins.” Ori quickly assured. “We’re a very open race. That, and with so few a number of dwarrowdams, it’s not uncommon that one male dwarrow pairs off with another.”

“Well…” Bilbo scoffed, but he seemed relieved. “I’m glad we understand each other.”

“Indeed.” I replied as Ori hummed in agreement. Bilbo nodded, and we rode off in silence for a while. A slightly pained silence. I knew that Bilbo was okay with our understanding, but it was still a heavy pressure on his mind.

I decided to ease it the best way I could.

“Besides, it’s quite obvious that you’re a taker.”

Ori snorted, but Bilbo’s lips quirked at me, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Oh, no, no, _no_ , Master Wiel.” He replied smoothly, jutting his chin out. “You will find that I’m very much a giver.”

I couldn’t help but feel quite impressed with that, even as Ori continued to giggle. Eventually, we all dissolved into laughter, only made worse when Dori trotted up to us and demanded to know what was so funny. 

I had to admit, it was nice chatting with those two. Even Ori, who began to ask me questions of my life immediately after we set camp for the night, which I didn’t fret over too much, since I did have first watch. The questions went on for quite some time, all the way through supper and until almost everyone else was asleep. At that point, the questions were rather tame, but I had a feeling they would venture to darker territory eventually.

“How old were you when you began… well, began to…” He asked softly, ears pink.

“I was barely in my twenties.” I replied. “Which was about, oh… seven or eight years ago, I think.”

“You’re not that old…” Ori whispered lightly. “And to be so young…”

I shrugged. “Many others have started far younger than I.” I informed. “I’m actually considered a bit on the old side in my profession, since most like them younger. I still look pleasing enough, however. So business hasn’t really waivered.”

“But you won’t have to worry about that for long, won’t you?” Ori asked with a smile. “Once we reclaim Erebor, and you get your part of the treasure.”

“Indeed.” 

“I have one more question.” He told me after a while and I blinked at him as he fidgeted. “Well, two more. One’s a bit… personal, but… As for your label… Lord of the Night… where does that come from?”

“There aren’t many labels for men in my position.” I explained. “It started as a business title, of sorts. Many of the women are referred to as ‘Lady of the Evening’ or, ‘Lady of the Night’. Since it seemed a rather regal name for it, and I was being a bit of a brat about it, I went about calling myself a _Lord_. Lords and Ladies… high-standing names for low-standing jobs.”

Ori seemed to frown at the idea, but I decided to get to what was bothering him. “And the other?”

He went quite flushed at that. “W-Well… it’s very personal…” He replied quietly. “It’s… I think I have a problem… with…”

He motioned to his crotch, and I already felt worried. “What’s wrong with it?”

“N-Nothing obvious!” He assured. “It… It functions quite normally…. Just… I think I have a… Well, you see…”

“Does it look peculiar?” I asked, and he nodded. “Does it curve off? Does it have a strange color?”

“No… nothing like that… It’s…” Ori murmured. “It’s… It’s something that I’ve lived with since I started growing a beard…”

Poor Ori looked close to tears, and I immediately tried to comfort him.

“Hey, it’s okay.” I told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You can tell me. I’m fairly open-minded, so you don’t have to worry.”

“W-Well, you see…” He murmured, twiddling his fingers. “It’s… abnormal in its… size…”

“Okay…” I trailed off. “How so?”

“It’s… you see, when it’s relaxed, it looks normal, but…” Ori explained in a shaky voice. “But when I… when it’s… _excited_ it’s… it gets _big_.”

All my worries faded. “How big?”

He fidgeted before indicating, with his hands, a length longer than my own. I blinked several times at that.

“And girth?” I continued, and showed it with his middle finger and thumb, barely touching. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Ah, ‘oh’ as in ‘oh, that’s not bad’.” I explained hurriedly, seeing him blink. “To be honest, that’s… well, it’s a bit on the larger-than-average scale of my people, but I can understand your worries. But they’re unwarranted.”

“Really?” And poor Ori, he looked so relieved and hopeful.

“Absolutely. It’s a very enviable size, in fact.” I assured. “Just keep in mind that many might be… wary, since it’s so big amongst your kind. If you ever take a man, use lots of oils. If it’s a woman, be sure to attend to her need and stretch as much as you can.”

“I hear you can use oils with women as well.”

Oh, dear. “Absolutely not.” I chided darkly. “Women produce their own slick, and if you mix oils with it, it produces a rather harsh infection.”

Ori looked a bit queasy, but he let out a deep breath and relaxed. “I’m just glad nothing’s wrong with me.”

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.” I assured, patting his shoulder and gaining a smile. “Feel better?”

“Very much. Thank you very much for having my audience, Master Wiel.” 

“Anytime, Ori. And please, no more ‘master’ business.” I told him as he stood. “Off to bed you go.”

“Good night!”

“Pleasant dreams!” 

I watched Ori amble back over to his bedroll looking as if a large weight was off his shoulders. I didn’t understand why he was so worried, since whoever I knew that had a large one, like Ori, they’d be happy. Even boastful. Of course, someone must have seen it and said something to make him feel so bad about it. 

I felt a little queasy when I thought about what Oin would try to do if he ever saw the thing. 

Said thoughts were thankfully broken as I heard footsteps crunch in the grass behind me, and a bit of a shadow was cast over me. I turned around to be greeted by Kili, who had frozen the moment I smiled at him. 

“Evening, Kili.” I greeted. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

Kili looked away, frowning a little. “Couldn’t sleep.”

I hummed sympathetically towards him before patting the spot next to me. “Well, keep me company, then.” 

With that, I turned back to my post, I noticed that it took longer than normal for Kili to move to sit next to me. On previous occasions, he’d break out into a large grin and plop right down and seemingly forget such things as personal space (not that I had any). This time, he seemed hesitant, and he sat towards the very edge of the log I had perched myself on. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, seeing him fiddle with his thumbs as he looked like he was trying to find the right words to say. 

“Kili?” I asked slowly, causing said dwarf to jump and look at me with surprised eyes. “Is there something you want to talk about?”

“Ah… Well…” Kili muttered, and his blush would be lovely if it weren’t for the current circumstance. “It’s about… Well, I was wondering-…”

“Hey,” I murmured softly, seeing how worked up he was getting. “Easy, Kee. You can talk to me.” 

I stroked my fingers through his hair, and he let out a thin noise as he leaned into the touch. 

Oh.

“Kili, are you…” Now I found myself at a loss for words as I rested a hand on his neck gently. “Do you wish for my services?”

I felt the skin under my palm light up like it was on fire, and he looked away as if ashamed.

“I… I would like to.” He affirmed. “But-But I was just wondering if you wanted- I don’t need- You don’t have to-.”

He was sounding worse than Bilbo. 

I hushed him, leaning over to kiss his cheek as I felt his head shift with the motion. “Come here, sweet.”

His face was bright red as I urged him up, grabbing one of his hands and tugging him over and into my lap. For a moment, I thought that it was probably a bad move, but I really only wanted to comfort him more than anything. Indeed, the moment he sat across my thighs, he wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face into my shoulder. 

“Listen to me,” I told him softly, rubbing his back. “You don’t have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. You don’t have to feel pressured to do anything, just because I’m here, or if it’s someone in the company. In fact, if your brother’s making you do this, I will box him in the ears for you.”

He snorted, and his grip tightened around me. I tightened mine as well. 

“Also, don’t ever think I wouldn’t want to.” I assured him. “I don’t know who would ever put such a thought in your head, but I would be rather pleased and privileged to give you my services. Because you’re good, and kind.”

I urged his head up, seeing those brown eyes turn amber in the firelight. Eyes that looked rather bright on a innocent-looking face. I brushed his hair away as I gazed up at him. 

“And you’re lovely.” I told him, resting my hand on his cheek and stroking with my thumb. “It would be an honor.”

He smiled then, a small, shy smile as he averted his gaze and pressed his face into my hand. Something in my chest kicked, but I ignored it. Right now, I just wanted to bring comfort to my friend. 

Fili apparently wasn’t kidding. All this “If you wanted”, and “You don’t have to” nonsense. He apparently thought he was so ugly, not even someone like me would want to touch him like that. 

“Have you talked to Fili?” Kili finally asked after a few moments.

“Just told me to be careful with you.” I told him with a smile as he pouted. “Typical big brother talk.”

“I’m not fragile.” He grumped, and I dragged his face down to kiss his lovely nose. 

“I know.” I told him. “You’re strong and lovely, as I said. You only have to ask, if _you_ want, and I’ll be more than happy to take care of you. Okay?”

He nodded, leaning down to nuzzle his nose against my cheek.

“I do want.” He finally said after a little while. “With you… if you’re able.”

“Absolutely.” I told him, giving him a loud, smacking kiss to his cheek and causing him to giggle. Much better than he was before. “Just not now.”

He frowned at that. “Why not?”

“Well, I am on watch.” I explained. “Wouldn’t do to get all distracted servicing you into a happy little mess while I’m trying to make sure no one gets the jump on us.”

“Oh…” He murmured, almost dejectedly. “Right…”

“However…” I pressed as he shifted to move way, freezing as I spoke. “Afterwards, I’ll be all yours.”

From then on, I made it a mission to make sure such a hopeful expression would never cross his face in such a situation ever again. “Really?” He asked. “You won’t be too tired?”

“Never too tired to take care of you.” I told him. “Is it set then?”

Kili then nodded, smiling and already looking so much more like himself. “Just… just one thing.”

“Yes?”

“Well…” He murmured, head tilting in slightly. “Can I… Can I kiss you?”

Like he had to ask. “Absolutely.”

I originally wanted to keep it soft and sweet, but Kili then made a noise and he went headlong into a full-on tongue brawl. It was a bit overwhelming, and it was clear he was inexperienced, but it only took some minute adjusting before the mess of a kiss became oh so very lovely. 

By the time I pulled away, his eyes were glazed, cheeks were pink, and his lips were red and puffy. 

A definite job well done. 

“Again?” Oh, a greedy job well done, too.

“As you wish.”

By the time I was able to convince Kili that kissing was not the best way to spend watch, I had only a few moments left.

“Oh, you…” I told him as he panted against me. “You’re lucky no one’s dead, or that would be a very embarrassing story to tell Thorin.”

“Was I really that distracting?” He panted out with a grin. Cheeky bugger was pleased with himself. 

“Don’t give me that, you know very well you were.” I chided, causing him to giggle against me. It was such a sweet sound. “You better behave yourself, now, or I’ll spank you.”

Kili huffed, lightly smacking me on the shoulder. “I’m not a child!”

“I know.” I replied. “But you’d be surprised at how many actually love the sound of that.”

Kili sputtered before muffling his laughter into my shoulder. Eventually, I started snickering myself. It got to a point that we were clinging to each other as we did our best to smother our laughter by the time someone approached came up to us.

“What are you two giggling about now?”

I tilted my head back to grin at Bofur, who tiredly scratched his head. “Oh, typical stuff.” I explained. “Spanking and the like.”

Bofur snorted, even as Kili smacked me on the arm again. “I can understand that.”

“Did we wake you?” Kili finally asked, even as Bofur shook his head. 

“I was up for a little while.” He replied before adjusting his hat. “Knew I had watch, so I decided to stay awake. Then I heard you boys giggling and figured I’d see what the commotion was about.”

“Well, now you know.” I told him as Kili stood up from his place in my lap. “You ready for it now?”

Bofur then smirked. “You in a rush somewhere, Master Wieland?”

Oh, Bofur, you cheeky man you. “I have some business, yes.” I replied smoothly. “I can trust you to keep such things from our leader?”

“Depends.” Bofur stated with his arms crossed. “What’s in it for me?”

I gave him a look as I stood. “I didn’t take you for a man who’d ask for a bribe.”

“I’m not. I’d just like something out of it.” Oh, Bofur, you really are cheeky.

I snorted with laughter at that before humming in thought. “Well…” I mused aloud before sending him a smirk. “I’ll let you spank _me_.”

It got the opposite effect that I wanted: He cringed at the mere thought and sent me a peculiar look. “No offense, lad.” He said smoothly. “But I don’t like hitting people for pleasure. That, and I wouldn’t want to bruise you.”

It figured, now that I thought about it. Bofur did rather like my pert bottom, and probably preferred it untarnished and healthy over leaving possessive bruises, or even welts, all over it. In fact, he’d probably want to just spend all day with his fingers in-.

Oh. Now _that’s_ an idea.

“Fisting.” I finally told him, causing his brows to disappear into his hat. “I’ll let you do it. To me.”

He blinked before replying. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.” I told him before holding out a hand. “Deal?”

It only took a few moments before Bofur shook my hand with a grin. “Deal.” He affirmed before reaching down and yanking up the covers from my nearby bedroll. “Don’t be too rough on him. We have a long day ahead, and it might rain.”

“I’m always careful with my favorites.” I assured him, folding the thick blanket over my arm. “Which means I’m careful with all of you.”

“Get going.” Bofur chided before swatting at me. I dodged easily enough before wandering over to Kili, who had moved to the edge of the clearing with a frown on his face.

“What did you mean by fisting?” Oh dear…

“Do you really want me to go into such a lengthy explanation right now?” I asked. “Right before we disappear and I have my wicked way with you?”

His face lit up with a delightful flush. “Later, then.”

“Later.” I told him before holding my hand out. “Shall we?”

He actually seemed to ponder that for a few moments before stepping onto a nearby boulder and then launching himself at me. I floundered before barely managing to get a firm grip on him, urging his body up so wrapped around my torso like vines would to a tree. His head was level with mine, and his grin truly gleeful.

“Yes.” He proclaimed before smothering my mouth with his.

“G-Good. Good, I’m-Kili, I’m glad, but-!” I sputtered between delightful kisses. “Kili, you’re distracting me. I can’t walk with you kissing me like that!”

“Sorry.” Kili spoke, sounding the complete opposite. It should’ve been frustrating, but it was all rather delightful. Especially when it was compared to what he was like when he first approached me. 

“Just let me make sure we don’t trip over any stray roots or walk into trees.” I told him, and he nodded as he ducked his head away into the crook of my shoulder. 

With that, I walked off, trying to find a good spot that was hidden, but not too far from the company, so we would have some peace. 

But not before Bofur hissed at us, “Don’t do anything to risky! Oin won’t be helping anyone unless he’s had a good night’s rest!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did that to Ori. And we need more top!Bilbo, in my opinion.


	8. Kíli Time and Fíli's Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kíli finally gets some, and Fíli thinks he's coming to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut time! It's another long one, but I think it's warranted.

I found a little spot by a tree what wasn’t too far off from the campsite that, while comfortable and soft, didn’t have anything that would cause a lot of noise: dead leaves, twigs, and things similar. I had set Kíli down on the ground, and I spread out the blanket as I heard him struggle with his coats and tunics.

“Save some for me to take off.” I chided, hearing him freeze. “If you don’t mind.”

“Alright…” Kili murmured, and he continued, but much more slowly. When the blanket was finally spread out, I took off my own coats and tunics, leaving me only in my trousers and boots. I shuffled to the middle of the cloth and turned to him. He was standing there awkwardly in just his underthings. 

“Come here, sweet.” I told him gently, holding my hand out. He sent me a small smile before taking my hand and shuffling down to his knees in front of me. Immediately after he was settled, he wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me. I kissed right back, allowing his tongue to venture into my mouth as I slowly guided him down onto his back, stroking his sides and legs, whatever I could reach. He reacted positively, humming and shifting about until he had one leg hooked around waist. 

When he finally seemed comfortable enough, I went to the job of disrobing him. I started slow, slipping my hands underneath his tunic and feeling warm, tense flesh underneath. It got even more tense as he was revealed, and I switched from kissing his lips to his cheeks and jaw as I finally got his torso uncovered.

He wasn’t as hairy as anyone else. Mostly it was focused on his chest that narrowed quickly down to a trail over his belly and further, where it started to spread again. He looked rather broad and muscled, and while he wasn’t as ample as Dwalin, he definitely had a bosom.

An unbound bosom, and while he wasn’t that large, such things would still be needed.

He was clearly hoping, at the least.

And he was still rather tense.

I looked at his face, seeing it turn a bright red as his eyes were scrunched and his lips were pressed tightly into a thin line. He was afraid, and that wouldn’t do.

“You. Are. _Lovely_.” I purred between kisses that I scattered over his face.

He let out a sudden breath in response and relaxed, if only a little. “You’re not just saying that…”

I snorted then, grinding the evidence in the form of my arousal against his thigh and seeing his eyes shoot open and go wide. “Now do you believe me?”

He swallowed hard, then, throat bobbing as he stared up at me. “Yes.” He spoke, voice hoarse, and I saw how his eyes were blown, even in the dim light. He apparently liked that he aroused me _very_ much.

I then grinned at him. “So it’s settled.” I told him, giving a kiss. “Glad you finally see reason.”

He snorted then, squirming as I kissed his neck. “Ack! Tickles…!” He sputtered, practically squealing as I buzzed my lips against neck as he fell into giggles. Because this was how Kíli was supposed to be: Happy, care-free, and then sighing in pleasure as I switched to teeth and tongue down at his collar. 

As I continued to spread kisses, licks, and nips down his torso, he continued to squirm and sigh, clinging desperately to whatever he could reach, as if he’d fly away if I wasn’t as close as possible and digging lines into my back. I learned that while he liked his bosom played with, he didn’t quite like the attention on his nips. I learned that his tummy was equally as ticklish as his neck was. I learned that his hips were ample, and that he liked it when his bum was squeezed and rubbed. 

I also learned how hard he could pull on someone’s hair when you sit with your face between his legs, inches from his bared heat.

“What are you doing!?” He hissed, face bright and bug-eyed.

“I was about to service you.” I replied, wincing at the pain in my scalp. “Did you not want that?”

“Well, yes! I did! Just… Just not like _that_!” He replied, squirming a little under my gaze. 

“Why not? Do you not like the sensation?” I asked, relaxing as he finally let go of my hair.

“Well, I don’t know… No one’s tried…” Kíli muttered, and I felt angry again. Before I could go head long into it, he continued. “But that doesn’t mean you should! At least, not _now_!”

I frowned up at him. “Why not?”

“B-Because…!” He sputtered, heat flaring in his cheeks. “Because we’ve been travelling for days and we… we haven’t properly bathed in a while… With sweat, and everything else…”

I could understand his concerns, so I finally relented, shuffling up and pressing myself against his side. “Very well…” I replied, stroking his chest. “What about my hands?”

“That’s fine…” He replied meekly, and I couldn’t help but want to kiss him again, but he stopped me. “Just… you should know that… sometimes… if I’m really excited…”

I had a feeling I knew what he was hinting to, and also that this was another reason why he didn’t want my mouth down there. Still, I kissed him. “Don’t worry.” I assured him. “I think I know what you’re talking about, and it’s fine.”

“You’re sure?” He asked, lids fluttering as I stroked down to that thatch of hair between his legs.

“Absolutely.” I murmured as I kissed one of his ears. “In fact, I’d like to see it.”

I felt more than heard him whine against my mouth as he yanked me down to devour me, arching against my hand as I continued to stroke his torso. To make sure he was comfortable, and maybe just to tease him. Eventually, his hips kept bucking every time my hand had wandered low enough, so I decided to forgo my teasing and dove my hand in. 

I just stroked him with my palm first, putting just enough pressure against him to cause him to whimper. I then dipped the tips of my fingers just barely into his entrance before moving up to stroke his nub, or “gem”, as Dwalin had called it before.

But the hiss he emitted halted my movements.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, pulling away, seeing the barest crease of pain in his brow.

“Nothing, just…” Kíli murmured, shifting away a bit from my fingers. “My gem is... it hurts when it’s touched like that.”

“Shall I avoid it, then?” 

“Touch around it,” He guided, and his eyelids fluttered again when I did that. “Also, go down… and _in_ …”

As he spoke, he reached down and guided my fingers to his entrance, hearing him whimper as I dipped inside again and spreading his legs further as I continued pushing.

“You prefer this?” I asked softly, slowly pumping my two fingers as his grip on my shoulders tightened.

“Yes, and push-!” Kíli grunted, then keening as I pressed against the bump inside of him, hips jerking a little against my hand. “That! Like that! Keep going, keep doing that, _please_ …!”

“Don’t worry…” I soothed against his mouth. “I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you.”

With that, I continued, pumping in and out at an almost leisurely pace, making sure to concentrate on going up while I went in. He rolled his hips with the motion, panting and whimpering against my mouth as our kisses turned into smears of lips against whatever skin was close. As I picked up the pace, Kíli gave up trying to kiss me and just buried his face into my chest, sobbing at the pleasure and gripping tightly as his hips twitched and jerked with my hand. His heels skittered against the cloth, causing it to dig into the ground and bunch up with his fervor. 

Eventually, as I was practically pounding my fingers into him, his entire body stiffened as he arched, breath caught and his grip bruising. I went even faster, feeling him shake at the tension. It wasn’t long after that that he choked out a scream against my chest and cinched down around me, and I felt a gush of fluid on my hand and wrist. His entire body was twitching and writhing with the convulsions inside of him, and I did what I could to hold him tight through it.

“What the hell did you do!?”

Instead of going for a weapon, I went for a corner of the blanket and wrapped us both inside of it, shielding us from the intruder’s eyes. For I knew who it was, and I glared up at them.

“Fíli!” I snapped at the angry older brother of the dwarrow I held against me. “What the hell!? What are you doing here?”

“I was up and Bofur told me what was going on, and I’m glad he did!” Fíli spat, and I hoped Kíli wasn’t too mortified. “I told you to take care of him! You swore to me you would!”

“And I have!” I hissed back, holding Kíli tighter. “He just came, that’s all!”

“He did not come! You made him piss himself!” Fíli snarled dangerously.

I rolled my eyes at him. “He did not piss himself, or make water.” I told him as calmly as I could. “He just released, and they are completely different things.”

“You liar!” Fíli snarled. “Those like Kíli can’t do that!”

“Fíli, I’ve been doing this for quite a while,” I countered. “And I know for a fact that women can release just like a man can. It just takes a while and the proper hand movements. That’s all that Kíli did.”

Fíli exhaled harshly through his nostrils, causing them to flare. “Look,” He stated, calmly but darkly. “I may not have much experience in pleasing a woman, but I know for a fact that women can’t do that. At least own up to your-!”

Then Kíli giggled.

I looked away from Fíli and down at Kíli just as he looked up at me. I couldn’t help the smile that took my face as he beamed up at me, eyes hazy and cheeks flushed. 

“Hello,” I whispered, causing him to giggle and stretch up to give me a very soft, sweet kiss. “And how are you?”

“Lovely.” He whispered, voice hoarse. “That was _wonderful_.”

“I’m glad you approve.” I replied, looking at a rather confused Fíli as his younger brother nuzzled my neck. “Now do you see?”

“See wha-?” Kíli began, confused and following my line of sight, only to squawk. “Fíli! What the-! How long has he been-!”

“I just noticed him not too long myself.” I replied as Kíli brought the covers further up on our bodies. “He was apparently still worried.”

“Is this some sick revenge on me walking in on you when you were in your fifties?” Kíli continued, voice rising in pitch. 

“No!” Fíli snapped back. “I just wanted to make sure he didn’t hurt you!”

“Well, he didn’t!” Kíli hissed, hiding his face in my shoulder. “Now go away! You’ve had your time with Wiel, now I get mine!”

Fíli only floundered a bit before turning to go, only to pause with a frown on his face. “So you… _like_ to make water-?”

“ _Fíli_!”

“He did not make water!” I stated firmly. “Now please, Fee. _Please_.”

Fíli finally raised his hands in defeat and walked away, but not before turning one last time to state over his shoulder, “If he hurts you, Kee, or takes it too far, I’ll make him a eunuch for you!”

Kíli just groaned and I nodded my own assent as Fíli _finally_ walked away. 

“I’m sorry…” Kíli finally murmured after moment’s silence. “I did not think he’d come here…”

“I think I’m the one who should be sorry.” I replied. “I should’ve paid better attention to my surroundings.”

And I should be, even though Bofur’s on watch and I’m currently in the middle of business. Because I’m typically very good at focusing on possible dangers, even in the throes of someone else’s passion. Kíli really is distracting.

“Well, you are distracting…” Kíli purred, and I grinned as he pecked at my jaw.

“As are you…” I purred right back, and I hummed as he pulled me down into a kiss. Obviously, Kíli wasn’t going to let someone like his brother dampen his mood, and soon enough, he was squirming about in my lap as we continued to kiss, pushing down into my lap and rubbing himself against my aching, trapped arousal.

“If you’re going to do that, I need to take these off.” I murmured against his lips, and he grinned before pulling back, allowing the blanket to fall away.

“Let me.” Kíli murmured and I merely leaned back and allowed his fingers to untie my breeches. I was expecting it, but it still entertained me when he pulled them down and went wide-eyed at the sight of my prick. “Oh.”

“Hey,” I whispered, cupping his face and urging him to look at me. “I know it’s probably a little intimidating, but don’t worry. I won’t force you into anything. You don’t have to do anything with it if you don’t want.”

“Well, no!” Kíli replied quickly. “I mean, I do want… to try…”

Despite feeling myself twitch at the thought, I pressed on. “Are you sure?”

“I am. I really do want to.” Kíli replied. “I’ve… I’ve wanted…”

He bit his lips before shaking his head, and I couldn’t but feel a little flattered. Did Kíli really think about me tupping him? It really was a pleasant thought.

Then Kíli grinned at me, and all the sweetness went away. “Besides, it’ll be payback for Fíli barging in on us.” He continued. “He’s wanted you in him for longer than I have. The fact that I’ll have it first should teach him.”

I shut my eyes at the onslaught and I tried to think reasonably. I knew that women were always a bit more resilient than men were when it came to penetration, but I still didn’t want to hurt anyone, especially those two. That, and Fíli did really want me, and it seemed far too cruel a punishment for him. 

“It seems cruel.” I remarked.

“So was him claiming that you made me piss myself.” That was quite true.

After a few more moments, I finally nodded, seeing him grin. “Alright, but you tell me if there’s any pain, and I _will_ stop. Don’t try to power through it.” I instructed, even as he nodded. “Nothing too crazy, either. It’s the first time, and that could cause serious problems.”

“Understood.” Kíli replied, and his expression seemed far too serious for a dwarrowdam warrior who was naked as the day they were born in my lap, and pink still from arousal.

“Okay.” I told him, giving him another kiss. “Lie back. I need to stretch you out a bit more for this.”

He quickly flopped down, wriggling a little as he bent and spread his legs. I hovered over him, stroking his folds with my fingers before pushing two in just as before. He took them easily with a hum and a squirm, and I wriggled them around and pumped them before pressing on.

I eventually had four fingers inside of him, slowly moving so he could adjust, and I noted his face. It was scrunched up and red, as if he was in pain, fingers clenching the blanket, even though he was pushing back down onto what was basically half my hand.

“What did I tell you?” I scolded. “If there’s any pain-!”

“No, no!” He gasped, eyes flying open. “I’m just-! I’m trying not to-!”

He cut himself off with a gasp, and I finally understood why. For he arched his back and came around my fingers, legs clamping around me just as his inner walls were. He sobbed with each one before finally relaxing, looking rather blissful. He didn’t release, but then again, such things didn’t happen every single time. Was I a bit disappointed? Maybe. But there was always time for it to happen again tonight.

“Ah…” I replied, immediately scolding myself for how dumb I sounded. “You liked it that much?”

“Well, you kept pressing!” He snipped without any heat, squirming as I did just that. “But I do… have done, before… on my own…”

The image flashed into my mind before I could stop myself. “You must be quite flexible.”

He snorted. “I am.” He replied, rolling his hips. “I’m also quite stretched and relaxed now.”

“Oh, I don’t know…” I replied, wriggling my fingers in a teasing way as he squirmed and whined. “Perhaps a bit more…”

“Oh, don’t make me beg!” Kíli whined, and begged anyway. “Please!”

“Alright, alright.” I soothed, giving him a kiss as I slowly pulled out. “This’ll be the last time our lips meet for a while.”

“Make it count, then?” Kíli teased, grinning around my lips. 

“That, and you’ll have to rely on covering your mouth with your hands or my chest to keep quiet.” I purred.

“Who says you’ll make me scream again?”

“Oh, now you’re just goading me on, aren’t you?”

Kíli snorted, biting his lips as I adjusted his legs around me and shuffled closer. “A little.” He replied. “But I can’t help myself. It’s so easy with you.”

I barked a laugh at that. “Cheeky.” I stated as he laughed along with me. Then we stopped, for I was at his entrance, the head brushing against it. There was a bit of tension, and I looked down at him before making sure his position was at its optimum. 

“Ready?” I asked, wanting to ask “You sure?” instead.

He nodded, as if answering the unasked question. “Ready.”

And with that, I pushed in.

I went slowly, since I was still wary, and I grit my teeth and slammed my eyes shut all the way through. Dwalin was tight, but definitely not as tight as Kíli, and I certainly didn’t want to imagine what it would be like if Fíli finally got his wishes. I kept still when I was fully seated, trying to ignore his pulsing warmth and trying to imagine some of my old, more horrid clients from both of my professions so I could stave off a premature release for as long as I could. 

It was almost all for naught when I opened my eyes and looked at his face.

His face was slack and pink, mouth wide as he took deep, shuddering breaths as he continued to grow accustomed to my intrusion. His lashes fluttered against his cheeks, even as they opened to look up at me.

That feeling in my chest returned when our eyes locked, but I couldn’t focus on it now, for his whole body shuddered and a gleam entered his eyes.

“ _Move_.” And I did.

I didn’t pull out completely, never did, only minute inches in and out, focusing more on rolling my hips every time they were pressed together. He sobbed the very first time I did it, hand flying to his mouth to smother the noise as his other skittered across my chest and shoulders, eventually stretching up to fist my hair. 

This would be an embarrassingly short session, but from the noises Kíli was making, he probably wouldn’t care. 

Eventually, almost far too soon for my taste, his muffled cries rose in pitch before he stiffened, and I felt him convulse and flood my thighs with his release. I bit back a cry of my own when the pressure grew too much and I spilled within him, curling over him and twitching through it. It was quite possibly one of the most powerful sensations I had felt in ages.

Eventually, I recovered as Kíli continued to pant and twitch. I slowly slid out, stroking his stomach in comfort as I used the blanket to clean us both off. It wasn’t as good as a full-on bath would be, but it would have to do. I eventually put him back in his underclothes and threw mine on as well. It was around that time he finally seemed to fully recover, and I beamed down at him.

“Well?” I asked, stroking his hair. “How are you feeling?”

“I might be a bit sore in the morning…” He replied with a croaky voice and I winced in sympathy. He just grabbed my hand and kissed my palm in return. “Nothing I can’t handle. Plus, it was worth it.”

“I’m glad.” I replied, kissing him between the eyes. “Can you walk?”

He just lifted his arms in response. “Carry me?”

“Of course.”

I scooped him up into my arms, soiled blanket covering us both as I walked back to join the company. Fíli was now by my bedroll, and I hoped there wouldn’t be too much fallout. So, I wandered over as quietly as I could, laying Kíli out next to him with enough space in-between for me to slither in. As soon as I laid down, they both latched onto me, and I grinned.

“I’m sorry.” Fíli murmured sleepily, and I just petted his hair as I wrapped my arms around them.

“It’s okay.” I told him. “You were worried. That’s all.”

Kíli hummed then. “I do have to admit, though.” He replied, and I looked to see him grinning widely. “Revenge is sweet.”

I couldn’t help but laugh with Kíli at those words, and it only got harder when Fíli opened his eyes to look at us.

“What? What’s going on? Why would… Oh… Oh, you _bastards_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Fíli pouts... AND THE TROLLS!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: http://omgaidawtf.tumblr.com


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